Finding Forever

Chapter 10

Nothing is more annoying than being woken up by a ringing phone. The racket – the vibrations, the ringtone, the dings from missed text messages – started about fifteen minutes ago and only gets worse the less likely I am to roll out of bed and locate my phone.

I know who is calling. It must be Liam, apologizing for his asshole behaviour and getting too drunk last night to stick around and help me. It should be him in my bed. Not Ryan. And yes, I know he's still sleeping peacefully beside me. I was drunk. But I wasn't that drunk. The only justification in my mind for what we did was that I was angry with Liam for being a belligerent, unreliable drunk. And Ryan was clearly on the rebound from his break-up with Alodie. I mean, there is no other logical explanation for us sleeping together yet again, one year after we stupidly did it the first time. At least this time, we can bounce back into the friend zone and forget this happened.

With a groan, I roll onto my stomach, reaching blindly for my phone to drown out the sound and switch it to silent mode. Liam's number is on my screen. I feel awful in so many ways – hungover, guilt-ridden, and restless, to name a few. But I also remind myself to take a deep breath. I did not cheat on Liam. We aren't exclusive. Sure, we've kissed and gone on a few dates, but there was never a where is this going conversation, and I made it clear to him I wasn't looking for anything serious.

I was a mess last night, having been stressed leading up to the event, having Liam attend with a bouquet and Ryan giving me a drawing pencil set. And how could I ever forget Liam getting so smashed he made fun of my artwork and then puked in the bathroom, only to be escorted out of the building when he was supposed to help me pack up? Why did everything feel so complicated? Wasn't Liam what I wanted? A fun and flirty guy to pass the time with? With a sexy accent, nonetheless.

So what's the problem?

The way Ryan messes with my head is the problem. The fact that Ryan gave me the perfect present and then got Liam piss drunk caused me to think more about Ryan and less about Liam. I wasn't thinking about Liam when I decided not to sell the painting to him or when he kept slamming shots. Instead, I was preoccupied with Ryan's teasing smile, the look on his face when he told me he ended things with Alodie, his playful text messages from across the room, and how I hoped he'd suggest he spend the night.

Annoyed, I flop onto my back and kick off the blankets. Ryan doesn't even startle. Instead, he's sprawled out on my mattress, his naked body like a sculpture so flawless it makes me insecure about my own imperfect body. I reach down to the floor and pull on a t-shirt and pair of panties to cover up. It's eight o'clock, and I'm wide awake and restless. Like really restless.

"Ryan, wake up," I whisper hiss and poke at his backside. "We need to talk."

He groans and fishes for the blanket down by his thighs. He pulls it up to his chest and then rolls over to face me. He looks far too sleep-rumpled and sexy for my current state of mind.

"Morning, Ella."

My stomach twists with warmth when he says my name. He shoots me one of his paten smiles and then reaches forward and tugs my wrist to pull me back onto the bed. A moment of long, heavy silence stretches between us as we stare at each other from opposite sides of the mattress.

"You're crazy, you know that?" he says, biting his bottom lip. "I could beat you with a pillow for waking me up to say, 'We need to talk.'"

"I know, okay," I pinch the bridge of my nose and take a deep breath. "But seriously. What did we do? You just broke up with Alodie."

His eyes search every inch of my face. "It's okay. Relax." He yawns and stretches his arms behind his head, way too nonchalant for my liking.

I can't relax. My throat feels like it's constricting. My heart feels like it's about to explode. And my entire body is shaking.