By Your Side/ WooSan🖤🧡

Trembling Heart

Deep but fragile
Words scarred me.
They cut 
Like knives.

Wooyoung pov:

I thought it was going to be okay and that it wouldn't hurt that much... 

At least I was right in one thing...

It didn't hurt much but it made my brain overheat from all the thinking.

My breath was getting heavy, and I felt like I was about to suffocate.

His hand grabbing him
Their eyes drowning into each other
Heavy breathing and...

I was breaking.

I couldn't understand why but my body was frozen, my eyes wouldn't leave the scene and I felt like yelling but nothing came out. Everything in my body wasn't funtioning and it was slowly draining me. I felt like collapsing but I couldn't even do that... how pathetic.

I heard voices surrounding me before my vision got darker with every second. I couldn't remember who was the first to notice. San was all I was looking at. He was the last image imprinted in my mind. Face close to Yeosang, body touching, and I felt pure disgust.

Not of him
Not of Yeosang
But of myself...
For feeling this way.

It took me some times to re-adjust to my 'normal' self but by the time I did everything was over. Everyone was calling my name, touching me, holding me and I was like a vessel: incapable of acting human. I couldn't reassure them by lying to them like I have been doing for the past month.

I breathed once
I breathed twice
Before pushing the weight around me and walking away... far away...  anywhere but there.

I desperately craved oxygen and the only escape was getting away from everyone. For the first time in my life, I wasn't strong like people expected me to be and I was annoyed with myself for letting my mind and emotion lead the way.

"WOO!" San yelled before the door of the rehearsal room was shut close. This was the last thing I heard. It kept echoing in my veins, making me shiver.

Tears were quick to fall down my cheeks and I was trembling of fear of having disappointed everyone back at the studio.

The second I was free, the soft breezed welcomed my anxiety, letting me break some defenses I have built. My sobs were barely heard but my heart beats probably were. 

I searched for a taxi to take back home... I didn't know if home was the right place to go to but that was the easiest address I could say to a driver.

Seconds later, a car got closer to me, opening its window. A middle-aged man smiled at me, asking me where to.

I recited the address like poetry back at school. No emotions, just plain words.

I got in and as soon as I was about to close the doors, a firm hand stopped it. 

San... he was there, and I broke once more. He got in, closing the door behind him.

"Get out" I managed to say with every last drop of strength I had in me.

Looking at me in silence, he didn't respond. He looked back at the driver that was now uncertain on what to do. San asked politely the driver to drive us back to the dorms, reciting once again this now memorized address.

I looked away, staring outside of the window, trying my best to forget where I was, who I was with and what just happened.

"Woo..." he whispered in a broken voice, getting closer to me.
No response.
"Wooyoung" he was now getting frustrated from the lack of responses that he ended using my full name. This never usually happens unless he was dead serious about something and today was the right occasion to use my full name, 

"San leave me alone" I couldn't handle anything more than what I was already going through.

"I am not leaving you alone" he firmly said, grabbing my hand that was sinking deeper between my legs. They felt cold, shaky and disgusting. I didn't want him to feel disgusted too.

"San..." I exhaled, holding in a sob, pushing his hand away of mine "don't."

With that, he got even closer to me if that was possible, grabbing my face in his hands.

Please don't look I prayed.

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I am so far loving writing every chapter! I hope you liked it!
If you have any recommendations please feel free to suggest them to me! I'll take it into consideration!
Anyway please remember that this story will contain some heavy triggering stuff so please be advised to take care of yourself first!
Thank you for your support! 🖤🧡