◖Tears◗ Jake Webber X Johnnie Guilbert

4.Shame

(Remember that this book is about overcoming a selfharm addiction and an eating disorder Trigger Warning for every single chapter unless I say otherwise)

Johnnies pov:

It felt like my thighs were burning.

Stingging if you will.

I want to get better.

I really do.

But.

Sigh

I change into some black and gray pj pants and a Emo-nite shirt.

I looked at myself in my full body mirror on the wall by my dresser.

"I'm never gonna get better am I" I say aloud to myself.

I sigh once more.

I plop down on the edge of my bed.

Elbows on my knees and hands in my face.

I just want to be better.

I'm sick of this.

God.

I could only imagine being better.

I get these intrusive thoughts of harming myself often.

It gets so bad to the point that I act on it.

A knock at the door brakes me from my thoughts.

"Hm?" I him loud enough for who I could only assume to be Jake to hear.

He opens the door and is holding my skinny jeans.

"What are you doing?" I ask genuinely confused.

"What's this?" He says point to a blood stain.

Fuck.

"Fake blood, I guess it stained from my shoot for Vampire" I say thinking of the first lie.

"Oh, shit, you scared me for a second, not gonna lie." He says laughing and then walking out of my room closing the door.

I sigh with relief.

Jakes so gullible.

I feel guilty but I'm glad he's gullible enough to believe such a obvious lie.

Jakes pov:

I know he's lying.

This is honestly heartbreaking.

Poor Johnnie.

I don't want him to feel pressured into talking to me about things but.

It's just a shame he's going through it alone.

I go to my room with his jeans and take a picture of the blood stained thigh part and send it to Tara.

Jake: *photo*
Jake: see why I'm scared?

Tara🖤: what? Is that shit?

Jake: WHAT?
Jake: no it's blood.

Tara🖤: dammit.
Tara🖤: this is about Johnnie again isnt it?

Jake: well? Yeah it is, clearly I'm worried for him????

Tara🖤: for a grown ass man you act like a fucking 12 year old girl.
Tara🖤: digging for drama.
Tara🖤: you crave drama

Jake: Tara, can you not see you are clearly being disrespectful. He's your friend too, why are you acting like this? You really want him to suffer through this alone???

Tara🖤: I just rolled my eyes so hard I think I popped a blood vessel

Jake: youre being so rude Tara
Jake: why can't I talk about Johnnie without you getting all rude

Tara🖤: CAUSE YOU YAP ABOUT HIM ALL THE TIME

Jake: omg it's almost like I'm worried about my best friend 😱

Tara🖤: that's so mean, why are you acting so rude to me?!

Jake: you must be Joking.

Tara🖤: no I'm not joking I'm serious. You don't love me anymore do you, Jake.

Jake: Tara jeeeezzzus I mean. Why can you bitch at me, and then I say one thing that's slightly rude and you start talking like an insecure middle schooler???

Tara🖤: cause I'm aloud to say what I want to you, I'm aloud! You arnt.

Jake: I mean it seems kinda toxic?

Tara🖤: I'll post you calling me Toxic.

Jake: that is literally not-
Jake: I don't even know what to say to you anymore.

Tara🖤:stop talking about Johnnie and I won't:)

Jake: I'm sorry I care about losing a very dear friend of mine?

Tara🖤: your just dramatic, Jake.

Jake: wanna see dramatic?

Tara🖤: what do you mean?

Jake: I'm breaking up with you, your so fucking rude for no reason. All I want is for my friend to be okay yet you act like this and it's just completely disappointing to hear and I can't be with someone who doesn't give two shits about him or me.

Tara🖤: WHAT?
Tara🖤: seriously????
Tara🖤:I didn't do anything wrong!?

Jake: clearly you did if I just broke off a 5 year relationship.

Tara🐍:youre actually fucking insane.

Jake: yeah I know you don't gotta remind me

I set my phone down.

I was heart broken.

It may have not seemed like it in the text.

But I'm bawling right now.

I feel horrible.

I'm hyperventilating.

I'm freaking out.

I'm having a panic attack.

"It's okay" I repeat to myself over and over as my hands shake

I bite my fingers to attempt to calm down.

Shame.

712

This is so cringe
I'm so sorry

-Kall