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FANTASIA
i had a few hours to spare before i had to perform so i invited T to my house for dinner and small talk. i want her to express herself and i express myself. we both hold in our problems and let them come out as anger which isn't good for neither of us because we always seem to hurt eachother in the end.
"Before we start are there gonna be any interruptions?"
"I have a show so I may get a call or something, but other than that we good"
i was so happy she agreed to come i didn't even realize i was staring like a creep.
"What you staring at Jeffrey Dahmer"
"Ok now you can call me anything else but that. I don't even wanna play like that" i said in a serious tone.
"Ok fine don't kill me"
"Anyway, thank you for coming. I know things have been rough between us the last past four months and I feel like there's some things we both need to get off our chest that we've been holding onto and just let it be the end of it. So, you first"
"It depends on what it is you wanna know because theres a lot"
"Well first I wanna know you can't tell me you love me"
"Fantasia..."
"What is it? I know I did and said some fucked up shit, but what was it specifically that made you stop telling me you love me?"
"I- I dont know."
"How can we move past anything when you can't even communicate with me Taraji. If this is gonna be our last time seeing each other I wanna atleast know why you cant tell me you love me so I can finally rest"
"honestly, i feel like you loved Kyla more than you've ever claimed to love me. you posted a picture of your hand interlocked with hers in which you've never done the five years of our relationship. you dissed me for her and told me you weren't happy with me, and not to mention you two were having or is still having a child together. it got so bad to the point where i started to question myself on whether or not i was ever good enough for you. that's why i hated her as much as i did, it was never the fact that you moved on because i understood why, but everything else threw me for a loop. now that, that was what i called love. what we had wasn't love it was an experience for you. and i say that because you purposely said things to hurt me in order to make yourself feel good about being with her instead of me. so, again, i have love for you in which i always will, but im not sure if i can say those three words to you again. well not yet anyway"
i got up and went to the bathroom. i don't understand how i was all of a sudden sick, but also more hurt than anything. i went back into the livingroom.
