𝐃𝐨𝐠𝐬' 𝐓𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐡 [UNEDITED]

4| www.myvirtualangel.com

¡⚠ TW// If you have an ED (Eating disorder) or feel uncomfortable about something related to it, please avoid reading the following below! ⚠¡

. . . . .

Take me,
Take me all of me
into the burning pits of hell
Let the flames lick my flesh black. Until it reaches all the way up to my bones. Bring into the gates, where images and numbers reign supreme relentlessly.

A look into glowing screen shows a collage of paper magazines, featuring a portrait of a perfect woman with wings. Her fingers, interwined together as tight as laces, the edges of her cherry lips, slipped into a tender smile.What fell upon her lips, surprised me.

She whispered, promising to shed this disgusting jiggling layer of fat, this ugly  burden I want removed; As I watched the screen before me, she  listed endless solutions to rid of it. With my gaze trained on her entrancing appearance, she landed me her hand to follow her lead.  

Bewitched, I slid my hand into hers; an unspoken exchange was made. When each time I can't hold the burning sensation in my stomach, my virtual angel would appear with a stern face, shaking her head,        
           
scolding me, saying something
among of counting calories and
restraint. At the end, she is
right, I can do better than
this stupid stubborn hunger,
with her, I know I can!

Day by day,   
Night by night,
I would ask the mirror,"Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the thinnest of them all? Is it finally me? Please let me be the one this time. Let it slide."

In which the mirror would say no
in disapproval. I try to trace
the invisible hollowness of my
cheeks and ribcage, expecting
something but yet..
     
I still fail to understand
Why isn't it working?
I tried to do everthing  
I can do better than the ones
      
who sneered and masked me
as a gluttonous pig who enjoys dipping their hands into everything they found
tasty and devouring every last piece.

I want them to regret it, to take back what they said. I don't care about repercussions. Despite this terrible persistent feeling, My virtual angel is always there for me, my one and only true friend.

Through the glowing screen,
she would always cheer me on,
shaping me into the mold that
everyone wants.

She would push me further, telling me that I should strive for a better version, a skinnier version of me

Still, in her eyes,
in their eyes,
in my eyes,

I'm not thin enough,
I'm not good enough,

and I never will be.
    
                     

. . . . .

A/N: Hi everyone :)! I want to throw my phone outside the window because of the spacing, I'm having troubles with it. It's annoying. Sorry about that! I know no one will read this but sometimes I wish that I could be thinner than my usual weight. (Kind of embarrassing to say this) It's really hard for me to lose weight because I've a slow metabolism ever since I can remember. I know it's just weight but I feel fat and ugly. Someone even said I need to diet and lose fat. I may be certainly ugly, but I don't want to be ugly and fat :/!