adam ; boyxboy

fifteen

Dear Diary,

Today was a important day, so I'll write for you the important conversation that I've had with Adam.
I never want to forget it.

"Look, Nathan..."
"What?"
"I was thinking about yesterday and-"
"Yesterday? You changed your mind?! You don't wanna be friends with me anymore?! Please-"
"Calm down, hear me out."
"Okay."
"So I was thinking about yesterday and couldn't sleep. I was thinking about you and the way you act around me, specifically."

I was sweating, he never has that serious expression on his face. It was scary for me.

"I don't get it, explain it better, Adam."
"The way you act around others. You don't hold hands with anyone, don't share your things, don't stare at them. You don't even talk with people, and when you do is like they're talking to themselves because you don't give a damn, actually!"
"Adam..."
"No, hear me! You say you're cold and my body's warm, so we're always holding hands, every bullshit i say sounds interesting to you and you stare at me all the time!"
"Because it's you, you're smart, funny and warm, that's why we're friends!"
"But I want to know!"
"I don't know where this conversation is going."
"I want to know if... How I'm supposed to ask something like this to you? God!"
"For Christ sake, just say it, Adam!"
"I want to know if you like me!"
"What?"

It's over.

"I want to know if you like me."
"Don't."
"You don't like me or 'don't ask me that'?"
"I don't know."

I actually didn't know. If I tell him the truth he could hate me, love me, ignore me or nothing would happen. But I didn't know. It was hard. I wanted to cry so bad. So bad.

"You do know, Nathan."
"I don't! Stop asking me nonsenses!"
"It's not nonsense! Answer me!"
"I don't like you!"
"You have a red face and teary eyes. I want the truth!"
"I'm telling you!"
"You're not!"
"I am!"
"If you were telling the absolute truth, you wouldn't be crying! Be honest, I don't care about the answer!"
"Stop!"
"Look at me!"
"Let go of my face!"
"No!"
"Stop screaming at me!"
"Look at me! Look at me. Tell me if you like me. It won't change if you do or not."
"I'm telling you- let go of me!"
"I won't until you're honest with me! Until you're honest with you!"
"I love you, okay?! Stop asking me already! I don't want to lose you!

Adam was staring at me. Without expression.

"You're the best friend I've ever had! They treat me different because I'm able to like boys and girls... You accept it so easily, and if I liked— with me loving you, everything change. Look at your face, you're scared to death. You don't want to believe me. You made me say it!"
"That's okay! Stop blaming me, stop suffering! I don't want it! I will never leave you, okay? Never!"

He hugged me and the room was quiet. It was good. Just him and I.

"Sorry, Nathan."
"For what?"
"For not telling you."
"What you didn't tell me?"
"I'm gay."
"You're what?"
"I though you would hate me. They always leave after I tell them. But when you said you're bi, I was so happy! But I had to prepare myself."
"That's okay."
"We're rejected for others, we're best friends. We understand each other."
"Yeah."
"Promise something."
"What?"
"Don't act strange, look in my eyes, talk to me, hold my hand. I didn't change."
"I won't. I like the way we are, nothing will change."

We started to laugh, both had headache. In a few minutes, we've silently slept. The two of us. Alone.

Nothing changed.

But maybe my love have grown a little bit more.

☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀
HEY HEY (YOU YOU)
finally finished the chapter (that was deleted twice, no comments about it)
It's different than the first that I wrote (the glorious, perfect, long one. The deleted one.) but still good, in my opinion.
And I want to know your opinion, so leave it in the comments. Make me happy.
Sugar kisses ✨