Confessions of a Teenage Caffeine Addict

38 // Five Seconds

Find out what makes you kinder, what opens you up

and brings out the most loving, generous, and unafraid version

of you—and go after those things as if nothing else matters.

Because, actually, nothing else does.

—George Saunders

_________________________________

JAKE

DECEMBER // 3 MONTHS EARLIER

I had Jules on one side of me, her head resting against my shoulder. And in her lap, was Emma, just sitting there, taking everything in—the Christmas tree with colored lights and tinsel, all the ornaments, the crackle of the fireplace, and of course, the presents and stockings piled high. Mom came walking in with mugs of hot chocolate, little marshmallows floating on the top.

"Thank you," Jules said, reaching up to take her mug. It was red with a snowman painted on it.

"Merry Christmas, sweetie." Mom smiled at her.

"Can we open presents now?" Dad whined from across the room. He was eyeing the gifts with shiny wrapping paper, hoping they were his.

"You are honestly such a little kid." I shook my head.

"Hey," he pointed a finger at me. "I know you're excited too." Dad tried to get someone to jump on board with him.

I head my hands up. "Whatever gets you through." A laugh escaped my mouth. Jules handed me her hot chocolate so she could open a present my mom was handing her.

"Why don't I get to open the first present?" Dad slumped back against the couch, his blue robe looking almost as sad as he did.

"Because you always open the first present, honey." Mom paid little attention to his antics.

"But Michelle!" he closed his eyes.

"Go ahead, Jules," she nodded. "Don't mind him." A smile played on her lips at the sight of Emma's hands banging on the present.

"Here, baby girl." I leaned over and tore a corner of the wrapping paper for Emma to get her started. "You can help, Mommy," I said before kissing Emma's cheek. She almost toppled over with excitement. I watched Jules and Emma rip off the blue paper with silver snowflakes on it.

"This feels like clothes, Emmy," said before taking the top of the box off. "Oh, Emma, look at that!" Jules held up a thick, fleece onesie.

"I know she's only six months, but I got it for her in a 9." Mom explained. "I wanted her to be able to wear it through this winter."

"It's perfect!" Jules said. "Jake feel this." She turned to me.

"Mmmm, soft." I took a sip of Jules's hot chocolate.

"Babe! You have your own!" She nudged me.

"I just wanted whatever was in your cup." I smiled at her.

"Emma tell Daddy not to eat all the marshmallows." Jules put the fluffy yellow onesie back in the box. "She'll love this," she said to my mom.

"Oh, good, I'm glad."

"Daddy is gonna eat all the marshmallows," I said to Emma before pretending to eat some of her. She giggled and pushed me away.

"Alright, Stephen, why don't you open a present?" I watched my Dad's face light up as Mom handed him a rather large gift. I had this sinking feeling inside of me like it was a gift within another gift. She would be the one to do something like that to him.