Everybody Finds Happiness (Kawoshin)

The Past: Angel Attack

If you were to see me now
What would you think of me
Leaving Without you?
*
Unknown date and place, flash back

Kaworu and his mother were at the supermarket when he first met him.
His mom was explaining to him that they couldn't get ice cream because they already had some left when they heard a loud cream . She started walking towards the little boy that was crying alone as soon as she realised where the noise came from. The white haired boy followed.
"What's wrong, honey?", she asked the shaking brunet.
The boy looked startled, but answered after a few more sobs, "I can't find my mommy".
"We'll help you find her, right Kaworu?", she looked at her son expectantly.
Kaworu who was feeling sad for the shorter boy, nodded furiously. He didn't know what he would do if he was the lost one.
A few minutes after they had searched most of the store and asked the employees for help, a brunette woman came running towards them. "Shinji!", she cried and the lost boy released his saviour's hand to hug his mother.
After the woman kneeled next to him, she held him in her arms and promised him everything would be okay, then she stood up and looked at the two strangers.
"Thank you for helping my son", she smiled, extending her hand,"I am Yui and this is Shinji".
"Ritsuko", she replied, after shaking hands with her.
"I am Kaworu", the boy informed, not liking that his mother forgot him.
After that, Shinji started crying again. Yui promised lots of sweets, but he still wouldn't stop.
Kaworu knew what he had to do, even if it meant giving away his last candy bar.
"Here", he said, placing it in Shinji's hand, "Cute boys shouldn't cry.
Shinji's crying came to a stop .Their mothers laughed and 'awed' at the adorable scene before them.
"Thanks", Shinji smiled for the first time that day.
Kaworu's little heart did a strange thing at the sight of it.
*
It's been 11 years now since they met and the two boys practically grew up together. Their mothers had decided to exchange numbers for possible play dates and they discovered that they lived pretty close.
Kaworu and Shinji became the best of friends,but as the years passed their feelings changed and they were now teenagers in love.
Nothing stayed perfect for that long though.
Ikari Yui died a few months after her son turned 15. Shinji was devasted and felt alone, but he managed to go on with Kaworu's help. Then the worst thing possible happened; His aunt, Misato, wasn't able to take care of him anymore and Shinji had to go away and live with the father that abandonded them years ago.
*
"Come here", Kaworu pulled Shinji down on his lap. Their lips touched for the milionth time that day, but it still wasn't enough. It never would be enough, not anymore. They became a mess of locked mouths, joined tongues, bumping teeth and mingled breath. Only when they needed breath did they pull away.
"Kaworu", Shinji was still panting, "Can I ask you something?".
The albino motioned for him to continue.
"Will you um", the brunet struggled for words, "Will you... Wait for me?".
Kaworu was no fool, he knew what Shinji meant. He wanted to laugh and say "Do you even need to question such a thing?". He knew that he never would want anyone else, wanted to make sure the other boy knew that... And yet, he made the biggest mistake of his entire life.
"That's a bit of a selfish request", his voice didn't sound like his own, neither did his words.
His boyfriend's face dropped, eyes already red from trying to keep the tears in.
All these days he tried to keep his sadness to himself, tried to look strong for both of them, but he couldn't anymore. Shinji would start his life anew, while he had to stay in the same place they did everything together, go to the same school everyone hated them for what they were and deal with it on his own. Everything around him would be a reminder, everyone an enemy... And he would be alone. Though, nothing could justify the next words that left his mouth.
"I mean, we are both teenagers,we have needs", he hated himself more with each word, but he couldn't stop. Why can't I stop?
"And this place you are going is full of openminded people, I am sure you will have a lot of choices there. There is no need to make promises we aren't sure we can keep".
Shinji got up from his lap, "Silly me", he said, his voice weak, "I guess you are right".
Kaworu didn't speak, he couldn't speak, all the air in his lungs gone, his whole body numb.
"So... Yeah, I have a flight to catch", Shinji left, the door opening and closing loudly behind him.
*
Kaworu didn't leave his room until the next morning. He woke up empty, but determined to call Shinji and make everything okay again, to let him know that when he came back, he'd still be his... Only his.
Though, fate seemed to have other plans for them, plans that came in the form of a plane crush. He didn't want to believe it, he couldn't believe it. Not even when he didn't see his name on the survivor list, not even when he heard his name on the news, he was one of the few 'unluky ones', they had said.

No, no! Please don't take him away, please! I didn't have time to say 'I love you'. Damn it, I couldn't even say 'sorry'. I made him so sad and now I can never make him happy again!

He cried himself to sleep that night, but woke up to the sound of his name being called before dawn.
"I know your pain", it said, "I know how to make it go away".
"Who's there?", he asked, voice rough from sleep and tears.
"My name is Tabris", it spoke again, "I am here to make a deal".
"What kind of deal?", Kaworu searched in every corner of the room, but no one was there, "Show yourself first!".
"I am right in front of you", Tabris answered, "But the human eyes cannot see me".
"What are you?", the albino asked, finding the situation creepy. Though, he didn't feel like he was imagining it.
"I am an angel, not an angel like the ones you have heard of, I come from the stars".
An alien, Kaworu thought. "What kind of deal do you mean?".
"I know your pain, I know how to make it go away", the angel repeated.
"How?", Kaworu asked, intrigued.
"I promise you to meet your loved one again and again, no matter how many lives you live, you'll always have a new chance to make him happy like you couldn't this time".
"What do you ask in return?", everything Tabris said sounded impossible to Kaworu, but was there anything left to lose?
"Let me take control of your soul and body".
*
July 16 2011, end of flash back

The monster that called himself an angel, destroyed city after city together with his brothers, all while in his borrowed body.
Kaworu was blessed and cursed with never forgeting. He would always remember his Shinji, but he would also remember the screams and the blood.
He was glad though that his desperation lead him to accept the inhuman offer, now he was born as a human again, and even though his love was a little weaker than usual, he knew this time he could make him happy.
*
AN: For you who didn't understand, in this fic Kaworu and Shinji lived more than three (people believe that the manga, anime and rebuild are alternative universes so that's why 3) lives together, this chapter was the first live and the reason Kaworu wants to make Shinji happy so bad.