Everybody Finds Happiness (Kawoshin)

Atonement

Today you will sleep away
You will wait for me, my love
Now I am strong
You gave me all
You gave all you had, and now I am whole.

*
2 years later
Kaworu hates technology.
He hates mobile phones.
He hates it when people call in the middle of the night to give you bad news.
He hates his boyfriend's mobile phone and his doctor who thinks it's a good idea to call his patients at midnight and tell them that "unfortunately, the results weren't good, you'll have to be hospitalized tomorrow morning".
He hates everything.
But mostly, he hates himself.
*
"Everything will be okay", Kaworu should be saying.
Instead, the words leave Shinji's mouth every time he sees Kaworu's eyer water with the threat of tears.
Kaworu should be the one caressing his boyfriend's hair, calming him.
So why is the opposite happening? Why is Shinji smiling at him like this?
Oh right! Because he's strong... And I'm a coward. This wouldn't be happening if I had said no that day. That one lives ago.
"Kaworu", Shinji wakes him from his thoughts, "Listen to me".
Kaworu puts all of his remaining hope in a smile directed to the brunet next to him, "What is it, love?".
Shinji locks their hands in a tight grip, "No matter what happens, I want you to know something; You have already made me happy".
It hits him like a slap. 2 years, we spent the two best years of our lives together. He can't forget that, if he acts like this it will be like throwing them away.
"Have I really?", he asks. He won't cry again. Not when Shinji is still holding him, his warmth calming him like a lullaby.
Thinking back to all of his lives, Shinji answers honestly, "The happiest I ever was".
"M-me too. You've made me sooo happy".
When they hug, they don't let go of each other for a long time.
Not when they arrive at the hospital.
Not when they are told to wait in a spotless waiting room.
Only when a nurse takes his Shinji away , does Kaworu let a tears slide on his cheeck.
What Shinji had said was true; They were indeed happy. Kaworu has completed his goal, the reason was they were thrown in this hell of living one miserable life after the other.In other words, this was their last life together.

*
"Even if we find a donor now, it's too late", the doctor told him, "The mechanisms will prolong his life...Not for long, I am afraid".
"How long?", he dreaded the answer, but asked anyway.
"A week...Maybe".
"Maybe".
*

*date and time unknown*

It was a good life; Sure, it'd seem dull and boring to anyone searching for oction and adventure, but the two men that lived in an average apartment in an average city felt an unexplainable fulfillment with their average life.

For a reason unknown, it felt as if their souls were already tired from unwanted tragedies, as if now their souls were simply mending.

Yes, they completely adore this life.

*

*back to the present*

If Kaworu had not lived more than a dozen of lives with Shinji, he would not even remember how his bright face looked like. His face that once reddened easily now lacked any color. His already thin body now did not look elegant but fragile and breakable. His eyes had the same brightness, but the spark was not there anymore, like it wasn't all those previous lives before.

But still, he never broke down, never let tears slide down his cheecks, his conversations did not ever include a word about his current state, they were full of hope and smiles. In his unique way, he managed to be the weakest and stronget he had ever been, both at the same time.

One day, Kaworu had fallen asleep on the couch of Shinji's hospital room only to be waken by the most beautiful sound ever; his lover's laughter.