When Night And Day Become One

|| Sixteen ||

Over the summer, I found myself going towards my window, looking out into his room, wondering if he had come home the night before.

I often visited our treehouse, hoping for some unknown reason that he might be there all along.

Sometimes I wonder why I would miss him this much when the person I claimed to like so much was just right beside me. And there was Hannah, too.

But even though I could honestly say that I wasn't lonely, there was a part of me that kept nagging that there was something else that was missing. And the only obvious thing that was missing in my life was Lu Han's presence.

"Are you sure Lu Han didn't say anything to you the night before he disappeared?" Hannah inquired one day while we were leisurely hanging out at their living room.

"No, he didn't. He just asked me if I'd go to the dance with him, that's all," I told her, racking my brains for any suspicious lines that Lu Han had said to me that night.

He was acting weird though, I wanted to add but kept it to myself in the end. I didn't really know how to explain to Hannah how I found Lu Han's behavior odd that night.

"And? You rejected his offer, right? Because you obviously went with Kai," she noted, picking up the remote and punching a button to change the channel.

"No, I didn't," I answered. "In fact, I was still thinking about what my answer was going to be when he said that he knew already."

"So you were actually considering going with him?"

"Mmm-hmmm," I mumbled. "But he didn't give me enough time to formulate my answer."

Hannah sighed and shook her head. "I honestly don't know what to make of that. Why don't you just ask Lu Han's parents where he went?" she suggested.

"You think I didn't?" I asked in disbelief. "But unfortunately, they keep telling me that they don't know where Lu Han disappeared to. Although they did say he'll return before senior high school starts."

Hannah's face brightened at the news. "Well, there's your answer then. So stop looking for him every minute of every day, okay? Just patiently wait for him."

"I am not looking for him every minute of every day!"

"Says the girl who now frequently takes walk around the town."

"It's for exercise, duh," I said lamely.

Hannah tsked at me and shook her head. "Denial will eat you up, Jiyeon."

"Fine, I will stop taking walks around town then. If that will prove anything."

"It did, dummy. You basically just said you will now stop looking for him," she said as she flicked my head.

I sighed on my seat and forced myself to just watch television. There was no arguing with Hannah, and besides, she was right, wasn't she? Because why else would I be this bothered if I wasn't awaiting his return so much.

So I tried. I told myself to focus on what I had. And focus I did.

I stopped looking out to his window. I stopped going to the treehouse every day. I spent whatever time I could with Hannah and Kai, but the feeling of something amiss didn't go away.

And to make matters even more saddening, Kai's visits got rarer and rarer, even when it was only at the beginning of summer. It happened so abruptly that I couldn't help thinking that something happened again. And during the rare times that we did meet, he would be lost in thought and when I did try to talk to him, he wouldn't meet my eyes, at all.