Honest To Blog: My Misadventures

Part Two: The Art of Cheating

11/09/11

A lot of cheating goes on in my stories.  

And it gets a very strong reaction.

So I'm going to talk about my opinion on cheating for a little bit, just to set some things straight.

A few of the things people have said to me about my characters cheating on one another were quite passionate, some saying that cheating is wrong, some saying that it's the worst thing one person can do to another, one person even categorically told me that I don't encourage or support cheating, which was funny.

Before I say anything about my actual opinions on cheaters and cheating, I'd like to clarify that yes; I have been cheated on and yes; I know that it can hurt. I was only cheated on twice (that I know about) by two different boys; the first time broke my heart and the second time my friend Siannon chased him around a public park trying to hit him, the the collective amusement of everyone present.

However. I think I have to say I believe there are different kinds of cheating, and I know not everyone is going to agree with me on that - some people will say cheating is cheating and it ruins lives, but I simply don't agree.

For one thing, if you cheat on somebody after being with them for a week, I'm sorry, but that's not even cheating. There was barely a groundwork of trust established, never mind a trust that could be broken.

For another, a lot of the time - not all the time - both people in the relationship hold some portion of the blame. Obviously being unfaithful should never be the answer, but if you're treating your boyfriend/girlfriend like shit, ignoring them, belittling them, flirting with someone else in front of them, or otherwise hurting them, you have to expect they're going to react. A lot of the time in situations like this, they're thinking only about you while they're doing it anyway, which is kind of romantic in a twisted, aggressive way.

I suppose what it really comes down to is what your definition of cheating is, and I know it's different for everyone. For some people, flirting, hand-holding, even just looking at another person is cheating.

For others, it has to go the whole way, it's only really cheating when there's been sexual contact.

And for some, cheating is simply falling in love with somebody else, even fi you don't act on it.

Personally, for me, it's somewhere in between the final two. If you kiss someone for longer than a few seconds, you've cheated, and if you've gone and fallen for someone else, by fuck you better know you've cheated. 

Which brings me to the best examples I have to offer, which are my own characters. More often than not, my characters don't really cheat on each other, they cheat with each other. It's background, sattellite, and supporting characters that end up being cheated on, because - and this is where it gets controversial - I believe that cheating if you're in love with the person you're cheating with, if they are your soul mate, is okay. 

Most people will argue that if you've fallen in love with somebody else then you should break up with your partner before doing anyting about it, and to those people all I have to say is that I'm sorry, but you have a very black and hite view of the world. It's rarely, if ever, that simple. With love comes passion, and with passion comes irrationality, and irrationality invariably leads to selfishness and stupidity. But that's sort of what love is anyway.

I remember one comment I got on the closing chapters of Kiss Me Like You Did. For those of you who haven't read it, the two main characters are called Taylor and Jake and they are meant to be together. Taylor cheats on his boyfriend with Jake, and eventually Jake ends up in hospital and nearly dies. One person said that Jake deserved it because of the cheating element.

Blew.

My.

Mind.

So that's where I stand on the cheating issue. I'm not condoning men who have two wives and families who know nothing about each other, or guys who lie to get into girls' pants and make them believe they're in a relationship when they're not. But most of the time, if there are strong emotions and insurmountable complications, cheating happens and I'm okay with that.