Honest To Blog: My Misadventures

Part Eighteen: An Account Of My Days Without Internet

20/07/2012

Yes, it's another diary excerpt one.

Yes, I know it's getting old.

Yes, I am being lazy.

XD

Wednesday, July 18th, 5:04am

I'm always at my most inquisitive when I don't have the internet to give me any answers. I'm suddenly intensely curious about Mensa and AVEN and lupus and Graham Norton. I want to know about sleep disorders, since I clearly have one.

Everything is weird.

Thursday, July 19th, 21:32

I currently have enough money in my bank account to run away and start a new life in pretty much any country I care to name.

I have no idea what's stopping me.

21:41

Rose McGowan is on SVU and pouting so hard her face might split. In like every scene. She wasn't like this in Charmed.

I need to start making a list of P&G prducts so I can start phasing them out of my day-to-day life. Mostly it's because they test on animals, but also a little because I am SO SHIT SICK od their stupid Olympics ads.

22:34

I want to colour in the white bits of my dog black to see if he can dance. #casualracism

Earlier I said to my mom, 'The dog and I are in love. We're getting married,' and she said, 'JESUS!' Lol.

Friday, July 20th, 00:27am

Chris McCandless should have let Ron adopt him. I may never forgive him for that.

I like Conan because he introduced me to Def Leppard, who rock hard despite having a one-handed drummer.

They're doing imaginary mascots on Conan and one of them was Current-Day Axl Rose, who was just a fat guy dressed as 80s Axl Rose, but I think it would have made more sense if he had come out an hour after Conan announced him and refused to participate. LOL.

00:45

A few days ago Mariah Carey's husband was on Ellen and he was like, 'I used to have lupus,' and I was like, 'No you didn't, it's never lupus.'

There aren't any ad breaks on TV anymore, just a list of P&G products.

I, too, was made by P&G.

One of Edie Sedgewick's brothers was called Minty and he killed himself when their dad made fun of him for being gay. So that's a thing that happened.

8:48am

I have been awoken early by some commotion; it is that of the arrival of the internet man. YESSSSSSSS!

9:41am

So the attic is right beside my bedroom and I don't think he realises I can hear him constantly bitching and moaning about us, our router, the guy who originally installed our router, and his job in general - all the while calling what seems like everyone in his phonebook to complain about how hard his life is.

I am not very confident in "Brian" and do not believe he will succeed in fixing the internet.

10:12am

As predicted, Brian has left without doing anything productive, claiming that he will be back this evening. I am desperately underwhelmed by technology in general today.

10:22am

I need to have a shower before work, but someone's been in the bathroom for about eight years.

10:51am

We are completely out of shampoo; not so much as a squirt in any of the bottles, so I shall have to wait for my hair to dry and use dry shampoo. I am NOT having a very good day.