Pregnant In the Quell

Chapter Thirty Nine

I never truly thought the day would come.

I hadn't thought about it, really. I thought they wouldn't learn until later years.

I had always thought that Peeta and I would sit them down when they were mature enough.. To explain to them everything. The games. The rebellion. Even the hijacking.

I wasn't prepared for the day that my three children would come home from school and look at me like I was the most famous person in Panem, pleading for me to tell them about the hunger games.

Their faces looked excited.. Eager to learn more. They told me that their teacher was explaining the small details of them, and said that Katniss and Peeta Mellark were the last two tributes from District 12 to enter the games.

What my small children didn't know, was the pain that they caused me. The physical and mental pain that will follow me for the rest of my life. The sleepless nights where I lie awake and cry, attempting to block out the images of Prim and my child being blown into nothing.

The days that Peeta has to clutch the chair to stop the flashbacks from occurring, screaming at me that I'm a mutt.

Of course, they don't know why their mother wakes up in the night screaming, or why they are told on occasion to run to Haymitch's house and get away from their father.

And they don't understand why there are days that Peeta and I can't get out of bed, because I'm mentally drained. Or why when I scream in my nightmares, I'm screaming for Dahlia.

They're just too young.

Too gentle.

And their innocence was taken away the moment that they heard of The Hunger Games.

Being my emotionally unstable self, I broke down when they first asked. I could seem to stop crying, which made them even more confused.

I was alone. I sent them to Haymitch's house and locked myself in my bedroom and sobbed until Peeta came home.

I dug out all of the videos, the broadcasts, my mockingjay suit.. I just stared at them and sobbed as I recalled everything that had happened in my life. I held Dahlia's baby blanket to my chest and just stared at it, wishing my daughter could be with me.

She'd be 12.

When Peeta came home and saw me, he cradled me and assured me everything would be okay... Until I found the courage to tell him what was wrong and he started crying himself, not knowing what to do..

That is what brought us here.. Sitting across from my three restless five year olds, trying to explain something so complicated.

"When Mommy was 16," I start, trying to make it sound more child like. "And Daddy was 17, we were picked to go into The Hunger Games." I say to them as I clench Peeta's hand.

"Mommy, our teacher told us that we're too young to know what happens in it." Raine says as she looks up at me.

"Well, sweetie." Peeta interrupts. "Mommy and Daddy were in the hunger games, and we won." He murmurs.

"Who's Dahlia?" Jay interrupts. "You always talk to her at night, Mama."

'You always talk about her at night.'

I look down at the ground, trying to hide my emotions.

"Well, sweetie," I start. "Your dad and I had a baby when we were in the hunger games." I whisper.

"Me?!" Aster says as she perks up.

"No, Aster."  I sigh, chortling out my nervousness.

"Your mommy and I had a baby named Dahlia, but she had to go away with your Aunt Prim." Peeta interrupts, obviously seeing I'm struggling as he wraps his arms around me.

We told the triplets about Prim, because we've  taken them to visit her grave several times.

We explained that she had to go away, but she'd always be in my heart, and in theirs too.

Dahlia's grave was right next to hers, but I'd never show it to the triplets. Peeta and I would rarely visit it; it is just too painful.

"Mommy, the teacher said that you and daddy met in the hunger games." Raine chimes in.

"Your dad and I met long before the hunger games, sweetie." I say to her as I go over to where they are sitting and they all seem to climb on top of me and cuddle me.

"What happens in the hunger games, mom?" Jay asks as he jumps down off of the couch to go sit with Peeta.

"I will explain it to you when you're older, my love." I assure him. He nods in agreement, and they all run to their rooms to play.

"That wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be." Peeta whispers as he sits next to me.

"I know.." I whisper. "Someday, though, they're going to find out what it really is. They're going to watch the games and see us, Peeta. They're going to see me kill people."

"Katniss.." Peeta whispers as he rests his head on my shoulder. "By the time they see them, they will have already learned about them.. They'll fully understand then.. And if that doesn't work, we'll make them understand in a way that will make them stronger."

I nod my head in agreement, as I snuggle up against my husband; the love of my life.