≪ ALEC LIGHTWOOD IMAGINES

✗Guilt

"I'm fine Alec." You mumbled as you entered The New York's Institute.
"No you're not." Your boyfriend states, still in a caring way.
You both came back from a mission that ended quite great, except for you. You got attacked by one of the demons you guys were fighting against. You and Alec were alone on this mission, so it was each for one another. But Alexander being the naive Lightwood he was, he still kept an eye up on you during releasing his arrows. Luckily, cause he saw how that one demon grabbed you from behind when you were too busy with the ones in front of you.
"Let me check up on you, if you have any wounds."
Your eyes rotated at his comment as you turned around, facing the eldest Lightwood "I said I'm fine."
"Why do you always have to be like this?" Alec snapped at you.
"Be like what?" You reacted calmly, cause snapping back at him would only make it worse.
"This." He waved his hand, not good at making any points like usual.
You shook your head, not wanting to spend your time at something like this. You knew agruments should be solved but the agruments you had with Alec were most of the time just not big of a deal or just uneeded.
"You know what." Alec lifted his voice "I don't even care anymore." He raised his brows "Suit yourself." He muttered as he walked passed you, shoving your shoulder like you weren't even there.
You wanted to yell after him, even stop him but it would be useless. Cause you were both tired and annoyed, nothing good could come out of the conversations you would have with him.
The rest of the day, you both literally avoided each other, not talking or even looking at one another. Both being stubborn and quite childish actually. Clary and Izzy tried to play peace maker, while Jace already knew that it was one of those days as he respected both you and Alec's privacy.
You opened your eyes, heavily sweating as your heart was bounching in your throat. You looked into a dark room as the silence took over, making you feel even more anxious. It was past midnight and you just woke up from a nightmare, not knowing what to do. Only knowing for sure that you needed him.
Alec.
"Alec?" Your voice was small and high pitched.
No answer.
You couldn't get the image of that demon out of your head, thinking about the things that could've happen if Alec wasn't there. Making the guilt rise for the way how you reacted towards him. At the end of the day it didn't matter how annoying he could be, he only wanted you to be save and happy.
"Alec please come back." You whimpered.
The door flew open, making you jump up by the door hitting the wall. You squinted your eyes, trying to get a better view but one look was all it needed to recognize the tall figure at your door opening.
"Alec." You croaked out.
You literally jumped out of bed as you ran towards him, embracing him tightly "I'm sorry." You whispered, placing you head on his chest.
"Let's go to bed." Were the only words that left the archery boy his lips, before he picked you up and placed you in your shared bed.
You craweled on top of him as you placed your head on his chest, tugging at his shirt "I'm sorry." You repeat. This time there was no response, only the sound of a beating chest that your head was placed on.
"Do you-" Alec broke the silence, taking in a deep breath "Do you know how scared I was today." One of his hands traveled down to your back, drawing circles on it "I thought I lost you." He muttered.
You wanted to ask so many questions, but remained silent. Knowing if he wanted to talk, he would do it anyway.
"The scenarios that were going through my mind from the moment I saw that creature digging his nails in you, you don't even want to know." He ads, making the room go silent again.
"It's a dangerous world we live in." He begins "I forget that sometimes." He sighed "But that's the influence you have on me y/n" He continued to rub circles down your back, sending shivers down your spine "That's one of the reasons I fell in love with you." He states "You make me forget things, but going on missions and things like today happening bring me back to reality."
"You could've died if I didn't looked at you that exact moment." He whispered "I could've lost you." He heavily sighed.
Even though you wanted to react with "You're overreacting." or "Don't be such a drama queen." You knew in the back of your mind that he was right. It was a dangerous world you lived in, everyday from the moment you step out of this institute you risk your life for the human world.
"Just please." Alec his voice sounded hurt and annoyed at the same time "Let me protect you." He pleaded "I can't lose you." He whimpered "Not after Max." That hit you like truck.
It's been months after Maxwell his death.
Alexander didn't talked about his little brother for once, the only thing he did was wearing white shirts for his own comfort. You knew he was going to talk about it someday but months passed and you never brought it up for his own and your relationships shake. Cause you knew Alec, forcing him to talk would only shut him down even more.
"I can't let the same happen to you." He shortly states.
"It won't." You replaced your head as you looked up to him, only being faced with darkness.
"But what if." He whispered "I can't handle close death calls anymore." You could already feel his jaw being clenched at this moment "We got lucky, so many times." His other hand found your face as he caressed it "But it's going to run out."
You placed your hand on his one, closing your eyes "I'm sorry." You couldn't help yourself but repeating yourself. You felt so much guilt and it wasn't only because of how you reacted towards him, now knowing the reason why he was being like this made you feel worse.
He was simply just scared.
Alec being Alec, sometimes makes you forget he was human too. If everyone was losing their heads in this insitute, he was always the one to bring order and peace back to it. You never really stood still by the fact that your boyfriend had a ton of weight on his shoulders.
He needed to be strong for others when the others couldn't.
When you first started this relationship, you never thought it would last like this. You always promised yourself to not let yourself carry away with his attitude, to still recognize when he was acting fine when he clearly wasn't. But after the current events with Max, you didn't even recognize him anymore.
He was never quite the talker, you already knew that before you guys dated. Expressing his feelings wasn't written in the eldest Lightwood his dictionary, leave alone talking about it.
This added up to your feeling of guilt. Maybe you should've approaced him more about his brother, maybe he wanted to talk about it. He needed to talk about it, for his own mourning. Shit this feeling literally felt like shit.
He was always there for you, now you got the feeling you weren't there for him.
"Y/n." He spoke, more as a statement than a question.
"I'm so so-"
"I swear if you're going to apologize one more time." He cut you off as you felt him chuckle.
"I'm serious." You pushed yourself up, turning on the lamp on your guys nightstand "Tell me I was there when you needed me." You pleaded as Alec raised a brow "Tell me I helped you with your mourn of Max." Your eyes started to water "Tell me."
"Where's all of this coming from?" Alec his facial expression changed as he tried to touch you but you flinched.
"See." You tried to hold back your tears "I wasn't." You bit your bottem lip "I was useless."
The silence creeped in again, only making the situation even worse.
"It was my own choice." The dark haired guy made you face him as he forced your chin to look up to him "You were my support and you didn't even know about it." He licked his lips "I maybe don't talk about it but that doesn't mean you're useless."
"Remember the thing I said a few minutes ago?" He asked "About forgetting everything because of you." He pointed out "Well, it was the same with Max." He took your hands in his "Even though I didn't talked about it, being with you made me forget everything."
"Even your smile can make my whole world stop spinning for a fraction of a second." He eyed you "Waking up next to you, makes me realize how lucky I am for spending the days at this institute with someone like you."
"Just you being you, makes me forget about all the trouble and bullshit in this world." He kissed the top of your hands "You're far from useless."
"You're my everything."
"I love you." Were the last words that escaped your lips before you placed them on your bofriend his.
"I love you too." He muttered against your lips "Don't forget that."
A/N:
Thank you guys so much for 1k reads! I REALLLY appreciate it xx
-bailey