Stars Leave Black Holes Behind [HS]

11

Memories of Christmas had always been happy.

Val could remember jumping on her parents' bed at five o'clock in the morning with her brother and sister, all holding onto the pillowcases Santa had filled for them as they jumped and squealed and haphazardly dodged her woozy parents' limbs.

She could remember running down the stairs, cackling with laughter as her big blue eyes looked at the tree and the presents and the half eaten carrot left on the table by Rudolf.

She could remember tearing away the paper, clawing at it until the plastic box of something was revealed and she'd grin and shout a distracted 'Thank you' to her mum and dad, while she tore the gift out and began ripping away the paper on the next box.

Val could remember how her family would always come round, how Christmas Dinner would be filled with the snap of crackers being pulled, the endless rustle of cheap party-hats, the jarring chinks of cutlery against plates and the relentless laughter that just filled the house; the happiness and the joy and the giddy excitement that just seemed to be everywhere.

Her memories of Christmas were always happy.

Even from last year, when it had been filled with Harry.

They had both been excited to go down to see her parents at Christmas. He had driven, because Val hated motorways, and they'd belted out all of the Christmas classics with their windows down and the volume all the way up.

Valerie could still remember how it felt, the cold biting wind through her hair as she leaned out the window yelling 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' at the top of her lungs, with Harry laughing maniacally along with her, his warm hand on her thigh as he tried to keep his attention on the road.

She could remember how it felt when he kissed her that night: he tasted of whiskey and warmth and the fire was reflected in his eyes and they'd both been drunk, and her mother were snuggled on the sofa playing scrabble with her step-dad, while Louis and Delilah were watching 'The Grinch' for the hundredth time, and it just felt fucking magical.

She could remember the way he'd nudged his gift forwards, and the rare pink blush on his cheeks as he smiled bashfully, muttering "Merry Christmas, love" as she kissed his cheek and opened the present and grinned so wide her face might've split in two when she saw the necklace.

It was all very happy. Very joyful. Very the opposite of how it was now.

Valerie hadn't slept at all, had just sat on the windowsill and watched the stars as they glittered in the sky. She hadn't run downstairs and bounded into her siblings' rooms in the morning. She'd just sat there and waited for Delilah to pull her out. She'd received multitudes of gifts, but couldn't help but think back to that little necklace Harry had given her. The way her eyes had watered when she plucked it from the velvet box, and the way her heart sang when Harry kissed her on the lips and took it from her fingers and placed it around her neck.

Valerie had binned the necklace about two weeks later. Had pulled it from around her neck, stomped out of her flat and to the rubbish chute, and flung it down there, along with the photos and the clothing and that stupid fucking teddy bear he had won for her at the fair.

She could only wish that she was able to get rid of the memories that way too.

__

Song: Lover, You Should've Come Over by Jeff Buckley

"I'm broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it."