Hiraeth (Opprimo Series # 1)

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Defy

Refined. Delicate. Reserved.

Tatlong salitang nakadikit na sa pangalan ko. Through certain standards, I have lived as I was able to surpass expectations. For that's how they want me to be.

Nagpakawala ako ng isang buntonghininga. Bihira lang ito, ang hayaan ko ang sarili kong mawala sa paligid.

Humaplos ang malamig na simoy ng hangin sa aking balat. I couldn't help but smile with the little taste of solitude I felt.

Nakagagaan sa dibdib ang ginhawang dala ng panggabing hangin.

As time goes by, my ribs find it difficult to handle the revolution spiraling inside my chest. Maaari naman akong kumawala rito. I have my free will, and I can use that whenever I want.

But I am afraid to be this other person I might become.

Sa pagsunod ko sa kanilang mga sinasabi, dumating na rin ako sa punto kung saan hindi na rin ako makawala. I wanted to set myself free from expectations, but it's hard to let go when all your actions and responses are already programmed in your system.

Nakatakda lahat ng gagawin ko; hindi ko ito puwedeng baguhin at suwayin dahil magagalit sila. At mas lalong hindi ako puwedeng magkamali.

There should be a flaw in my code, and I need to find that flaw in order to escape.

Umangat ang tingin ko sa dagat ng bituin sa langit. I wish I could be one of them. Naroon lang sila sa taas at nagniningning.

Gusto kong makawala sa sarili kong kulungan. Gusto kong maging malaya tulad ng mga bituing nasisilayan ko ngayon.

"Hindi ka ba nilalamok d'yan?" Saglit akong napalingon sa aking likuran.

It's hard to refrain my lips from smiling involuntarily. Mabuti na lang at hindi niya ito nakita dahil nasa malayo ang kanyang tingin.

Malayong-malayo ...

Pinanood ko siyang umupo sa tabi ko. Hindi nakatakas sa aking paningin kung paano iniihip ng hangin ang kanyang buhok. His hair was long, just a little below his shoulders, black and silky. Minsan ay hinahayaan niya lang itong nakalugay, pero madalas ay itinatali niya ito sa isang bun.

And I couldn't deny even just a bit, that I like seeing him with his hair messily tied.

"Hindi naman gaano," sagot ko sa kaniya.

It was his turn to smile at me. And I swear to the heavens above, I looked the other way faster than the speed of light. I know my cheeks already turned crimson as I heave to catch my breath. I was able to calm down for a bit. Kahit pa namamawis ang mga palad ko.

A little smile slowly drew on my lips. Binalot kaming dalawa ng katahimikan.

But in that silence, I felt reunited with the rhythm of my heart. It was so delicate and proud, fragile as it may seem yet dominating.

I thank the night for helping me conceal my sentiments.

A lot of people are afraid of the dark, but not me. I love the dark. I love night times. Dahil ito lang ang oras na masasabi kong malaya ako.

I enjoy night walks. I enjoy the cold breeze. I enjoy the quiet.

"Saang school ka kukuha ng Multimedia Arts? Our school is also offering that program. Ayaw mo ba talaga?" tanong niya. Nagpakawala naman ako ng isang buntonghininga.

Ni hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses na niyang itinanong sa akin ito. Kung saan ako mag-aaral at kung puwedeng sa parehong school na lang kami pumasok.