As I Lay Dying

Nineteen

1917

The snow is crisp and fresh on the top of the trench. Down in the main part, where I'm sat, it's turned to brown, watery slush. I feel the cold iciness of it penetrating my skin through my jacket. The sole of my boots has come unstuck and I can feel damp wetness against my toes.

The air feels fresh yet freezing against my chest. Usually I'd be huddled around one of the small fires but today something new has happened. For the first time in 3 years I have letters. Not one, but two of them and a thickly bound parcel in brown paper. I stare down at the white paper in my red, cracked hands.

Since I returned 10 days ago Darlington hasn't so much as looked at me. When I heard my name being shouted I immediately assumed that he'd finally decided to continue his campaign against me, the shock I felt when letters were pushed into my hands stunned me.

My first letters in three years.

I decide to open Jimmy's first. The clumsy handwriting brings a twist of longing, an urgent need to feel some level of closeness to him. My freezing hands scrabble clumsily with the envelope.

To Harry

Just thort I would write to let you know I am ok. I have been moved to Normandy with sgt Johnson. He's a decent fella and the lads here are nice but I miss you and Luke a lot. Ellen is complaining that my letters are shorter since I don't have you to write them for me. Writing ain't my strong point, as you know well.
I am very sorry I wasted the time I had with you on leave. I'm a great stupid oaf and I should never have wasted the precious time we had.
I pray you are kept safe until we meet again. I knew the moment we met that we would be lifelong friends and I have to admit it is a much harder war to fight without you. I am woried that things might be difficult for you and I hope someone you trust is taking watch with you. Please pass my regards to Luke and I hope to see you very soon Harry
Best wishes from your mate Jimmy

PS I would be grateful if you could go to Tommys grave and give him my best wishes to. I don't like to think of him being alone.

I read the letter twice with a bittersweet pang in my chest. I know how hard he finds writing and I appreciate the time he's took to write his letter. I fold it carefully and press it into my breast pocket before turning my attention to the next letter. The thin, slanted writing is unfamiliar to me. For a second I'd nursed the vain hope it was from Evie but I know it isn't.

Dearest Harry

I must thank you for the Christmas you spent with us. You gave us all great happiness.
I write to tell you that, with thanks to your generosity to pay for the journey, we leave for Paris within two weeks. I will sell what little we own and the prospect of work there looks very promising for me. Although Paris is not as safe as it once was, I do not believe that anywhere is in the times in which we live and our small village becomes more dangerous with each passing day. I was in despair until you rescued us. At least in Paris I have the chance of respectable work.
We could not have done this without your kindness Harry. I do not know why god chose for our paths to meet but I want you to know that you have given us a chance, our short time together has changed the fate of mine and my childrens lives. I thank you for this Harry.
I have nothing to offer in return, I can only give you my promise that for the rest of my days on this earth I will pray for your happiness. I will pray for you to be reunited with the girl that you hold in your heart and for you to be blessed with peace and joy all the days of your life.
Please stay safe and return home to her. I remember your words. I think you will find that she still finds the boy you once were within you. I saw a glimpse of him and she, who loved you far more than I, is certain to find him and bring him back.
Perhaps we may never meet again Harry. I believe we will not. Rest assured that my children and their children will be told the tale of the kind soldier who rescued us and gave us a chance. You will never be forgotten to us.
I hope you find your way back to her Harry. You were right, circumstances change us, but we remain the same person we were, however deeply we bury ourselves. You just need someone who loves you enough to spend time searching to help you find yourself again.
All my love,
Antoinette