(RIVALS) The Upside of Falling ✔️

Chapter 40: Distance

Chapter song: Can We Hang on? - Cold War Kids

Becca

Disappointment was a dangerous feeling. It was worse than pain, than hurt and fear. Worse than heartache and sadness. In order to be disappointment, you need to have gotten your hopes up -- to have believed for just one mere second that life had the potential to turn into something beautiful.

Disappointment is the antagonist to hope. Right now, running through the lobby of the hotel, I felt overwhelmed by a wave of disappointment. No, not a mere wave -- a tsunami; one that begged to swallow me whole if I only let it.

I didn't even know where I ran to, but eventually my lungs felt like they were on fire, burning with every ragged breath that managed to escape my lips in between sobs. My legs gave out, forcing me to stop running from the nightmare I had just witnessed.

That was when the disappointment hit me: when Brett opened the door and a woman's voice called out from inside. And hell, did it hit me hard.

I collapsed onto the ground, jumping up quickly as the hot asphalt burned into my legs and palms. I stumbled towards the grass a few feet away and sat down, completely defeated, as the sun blared into my back, a thousand fiery daggers shooting into my skin. The sheer force of the sun wasn't enough to distract me from the pain in my heart.

I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my head in my hands. I wanted to scream out in frustration, to let free the anger residing in my chest. I even tried to cry but nothing would come out - I just wanted to feel something instead of all this pain - but my eyes were dry. There were no tears left. The realization made me feel even worse.

Brett and I were back to square one. It felt as if the past few weeks we had spent together didn't even happen. For all I knew, I was back in Jenny's house, walking into her bedroom and seeing her and Brett together in front of me. I never wanted to relive that pain again, yet here I was -- nursing a broken heart from the boy I thought loved me.

Hope had fled my heart as quickly as it came, rendering me helpless to disappointment.

The distant sound of footsteps hitting the sidewalk caught my attention. I didn't have to look to see that it was Brett, he had wound himself so tightly around my heart that I could feel his presence before I saw him. I lifted my head up anyways, the action alone was exhausting, and looked to my right. Brett was running towards me, wearing nothing but boxers and a t-shirt, a manic expression on his face.

I looked away quickly. The striking beauty of his face was too much to bare. I didn't want to notice the way his hair glinted in the sunlight, making it shine a startling gold; I didn't want to see the way his body managed to move so fluently, as if he defied every law of gravity; I didn't want to feel the way my heart still expanded in my chest just by catching the slightest glimpse of him.

I was too drained to even move, as badly as I wanted to. I just sat there, feeling detached from my body and reality, like I was staring out a window nearby and watching this scene from a third perspective.

"Becca," Brett heaved. From the corner of my eye I could see him crouching over as he breathed deeply, clearly out of breath. "How the hell did you run this far so fast? Jesus."

Leave it to Brett Wells to be standing in the middle of a sidewalk in his boxers, hundreds of cars racing by, and not feel the slightest bit of embarrassment.

I wanted to smile. I wanted to kiss him. Instead, I looked away -- desperate to look anywhere other than his too beautiful face. From the corner of my eye, I could see Brett sprawl out on the grass beside me, laying on his back and staring up at the cloudless blue sky as he regained his breath. He was laying so close, his bare knees bumping into mine and sending a thousand shockwaves coursing through my body.