Broken Wings

Blame Games

I caught myself as my eyes snapped open. Bare rock inches from my face greeted me. Profoundly disoriented by the dregs of my latest dream, I glanced around to confirm that the last several days with a dragon weren't just another part of it. No such luck. She was still curled around me, and her gaze met mine as I looked at her head. "Sorry," she apologized. I blinked in confusion and sat up as Anea stood and began to stretch.

"Sorry for what?" I asked, pushing back against the guilt and anxiety the dream had left swirling in my gut.

"I didn't mean to wake you up like that," she explained, extending each leg and splaying the digits out in turn. "I just shifted a little bit, and you slipped off of my foreleg. Still, you're not hurt, and I need to go hunting anyway. So I guess it's just as well." I checked my watch and found it was about two o'clock in the afternoon.

"I'm actually glad you woke me," I admitted, aching to talk through what I'd just seen to try getting it out of my head, but not sure whether this dragon was the right person to confide in. Ever since that first long talk we'd had, I'd mostly avoided talking about anything to do with the military. I didn't want to risk pissing her off over that again. "I wasn't exactly getting restful sleep."

"No, you weren't," Anea agreed. She arched her back in one final stretch, then asked. "It must have been a very bad dream. I don't think I've seen you that distressed since we first met. Was that what you were dreaming about?"

"Uh," She'd never shown any interest in my dreams before. Why the sudden curiosity? "No. That wasn't it. And I don't really feel like talking about it." Anea blinked and abandoned her stretching to step alarmingly close to me.

"Liar," she declared, fixing me with a glare. "You just lied to me, Adrian." I stared back, confused about what she thought I'd lied about, until I realized she meant I'd just lied to her. As in, the last thing I said.

"Holy shit," I muttered, amazed. I guess she really can tell when I'm lying. How else could she catch me in a lie as small as that?

"I told you not to try lying to me," she began.

"Wait now-"

"And you haven't," she cut me off, stealing the wind from my forthcoming argument. "You've been very honest with me. But of all the things you could possibly try to hide from me, why lie over something as trivial as whether you want to talk about a dream?" Note to self number seven hundred thirty-two: lying to dragon only makes her extremely determined to dig into whatever I'm trying to avoid. DON'T DO IT!

"Fine, I do want to talk about it," I admitted. "But not yet. And probably not with you." Anea snorted and jerked her head back as her glare became much more indignant than accusing.

"Who else," she asked, sounding both affronted and genuinely confused, "do you think you'll be able to discuss this dream with? And since you want to talk about it, then why would you hesitate when I already offered to listen?"

"Well, first I'd like some time to think over it on my own and figure out if it means anything," I answered. That was true enough, except that the meaning already seemed pretty clear. I was hoping some time would allow perspective to dull the conviction I now bore. "And I know there's no one else to talk to about it. That's why I said I didn't feel like talking about it at all. Would have been a lot easier if you'd just bought it."

"No doubt," Anea agreed sarcastically. "Why are you so determined to not talk to me about it?" I don't need this right now!

"Why won't you leave me alone for a few minutes?" I snapped, sick of Anea's incessant prying. I needed to work things out for myself, and I couldn't do that and fend off her digging. "If you won't accept that I don't want to talk about it, then maybe you'll at least believe me when I say I won't tell you anything right now." Anea growled at my words, and I was struck by a sudden urge to stand and pace the cavern. "Fuck!" I swore quietly, frustration at my infirmity surging through me to join the swells of guilt, annoyance, and dread raging in my gut.