Broken Wings

Outcasts

Hunger gnawing at my insides and voices murmuring in my ears woke me before the first light of dawn. At first, I groggily tried to shut out the noise by pressing my lumpy pillow against my ears. When that failed, my irritation finished the job of rousing me. I was still exhausted from yesterday as what sleep I'd gotten had been fitful at best, but I realized I wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep unless everyone out there SHUT THE HELL UP!!

Afterimages of the dream strobed through my throbbing skull, vivid and horrid as if they'd really happened. I shook my head and flinched as a fiery spike of pain flared on my collarbone. I tapped the spot, feeling the hot, swollen flesh. The skin had already closed up, but the bone beneath was still quite tender. It would be fine. The pain was already receding and taking my momentary distraction from the voices with it. I growled as I sat up and fumbled around in the dark for my boots and what was left over from the meal I'd gotten yesterday. If going back to sleep meant returning to that nightmare, maybe it was better that I was already up.

After my boots were laced, I looked up and frowned in Steel's direction. He was snoring lightly as he slept on. I didn't put any stock in the prophetic power of dreams, but I knew a warning when I got one. Of course Steel would try to take me with him when we got out of here. I knew that from the second I saw him yesterday. I doubted he'd actually drag me off kicking and screaming, but he was certain to try convincing me I should go back to the military. Or 'don't abandon my duty,' that's how he'll put it. I sighed as I stood. That might actually be worse...

I found the food packet and made to push aside the tent flap. I wanted to sit in the dim pre-dawn light while I ate, but the sound of a distant bird call trilling lightly through the air stopped me. "Crap..." I muttered, realizing my cottony earplugs must have fallen out in the night. I blundered back to my cot and felt around for the puffballs until I found one under the lumpy headrest and the other on the ground near the flap. Well, that's a lesson. Need to keep these in a pocket at night or I might lose them. As for wearing them...

Walking around with my hands over my ears to keep them in place was no good. That was inviting questions with long, unproductive answers. What I needed was a headband. And I happened to have just the thing: one of the strips of Sylvan cloth I'd used as a scarf when Anea flew us to Pineda.

As I stepped through the tent flaps into the dim grey light of the early morning, I pulled the longest cloak-scrap out of the pocket where I kept them. I put in the plugs and tied the cloth around my head, then nodded in approval at my own ingenuity. This would keep the cotton-fluff in place without being too obvious to people who had no reason to know about my impairment. The problem was that I was now deaf to anything but words and the sound of my own blood pulsing. So that's the trade then. If Faolin was right about what's broken inside me, there might not be a better fix than this. I sighed in resignation. Shame. I really like listening to the birds whenever I'm up this early. Now I had to spy on dozens of people's tender morning nothings meant only for their lovers' ears instead. It made my skin crawl with self-loathing, but I didn't know how to block it out.

My stomach growled at me again. My hunger gave me something else to focus on, even if it couldn't fully distract me. I sat cross legged on the damp forest floor and tore through the stiffened bread, drying cheese and dry nuts as fast as I could chew and swallow. When the food was gone I wasn't quite hungry anymore, but I didn't feel anywhere close to satisfied either. I sucked down the water from my makeshift canteen and stood up with a scowl. I couldn't understand what was happening with my appetite! This was so vexing I wanted to fling the glass bottle into the nearest tree when I'd drained the last drop, just to watch it shatter. Instead, I took a breath and went searching for one of the water-bags hanging from the fence posts. As I walked, I decided to do an experiment.