Out of My Mind

Space Autistic

Do you know what it's like to genuinely feel like you're an alien from a young age?

To feel like you were actually born on a different planet?

I do.

"I shouldn't have to tell you that."

"I shouldn't have to explain this to you."

The phrases that continue to be said to me, situation after situation.

Believe me, I know.

I know all too well that I should just understand.

That I should just know.

But I don't, and it feels next to impossible to fill in these blanks and interpret the world the same way they do.

"The meaning doesn't change depending on who's talking about it."

Okay, and while that may be true, I still don't understand it the same as you.

My perspective is completely different, and I can't grasp the way you see it.

I work so hard to study psychology, just to be able to think like them.

I ask so many questions, not to be condescending or irritating; just to be at least slightly less confused.

Just to be able to see the world the way they do, even if only a little.

Because I want to be able to relate.

I want to be able to understand.

But I just don't.

And being this way leads to me being very persistent.

I want so badly to be able to relate to people, that even when my views with someone are different, I find it so hard to just leave it at that, or to "agree to disagree" because I just want to do everything I can to try to be on the same page of understanding.

I don't argue to be insensitive or malevolent.

I debate so I can try to understand people and why they think of things differently than me, and to express to them why I think differently than them.

To me, it isn't harmful, but to other people, it is.

And I have trouble recognizing or noticing that.

I try so hard to relate to people, and it just doesn't work.

It always ends in the same loop.

Every time.