Brew Books 2

Chapter 9

Later in the night, Lou joins us at the bar. She's shorter even than Charlotte, with a long curly brown hair and pale skin. She's wearing a black dress and fishnets, and big black Doc Martens.

'Hey, you alright?' she says to me in greeting, with a strong Scouse accent, and she gives me a kiss. 'Nice to see you again!'

'Lovely to see you again too!' I say. 'You used to work here, right?'

'Yeah, and Ed said he might swing a few shifts my way in September once this doofus starts uni,' Lou says, nodding her head in the direction of Harper. 'So I'm sure I'll see you around more!'

'This doofus is going to be the only one of us with a tertiary education,' Harper calls over the bar.

'I'll go to uni eventually,' I say, while Sylvie says, 'Uni is overrated.'

When the final stragglers leave we work together to close and clean up the bar, and then the four of us girls call an Uber.

'You sure you're not coming?' I say to Harper.

'Football tomorrow,' Harper says. 'Priorities, Jane.'

'Well I'll be hungover in the bookstore, wishing I was as sensible as you,' I say, with a smile.

'Hope you have a good night,' Harper says, then winks as he says, 'But not too good.'

Charlotte, Sylvie, Lou and I pile into an Uber to get to Printworks.

'My girlfriend works as a manager for DJs,' Lou explains to me as we skip the queue and head to the front. 'So she got us all on guestlist tonight.'

'Oh, and Lou's girlfriend is a model, too,' Charlotte says. 'Try not to be too jealous, Jane. I know I am.'

I laugh. 'Sounds like you've got a pretty good deal, Lou.'

Lou grins. 'It goes alright.'

Printworks is an overwhelmingly large venue, with coloured lasers and smoke everywhere. The four of us need to hold hands to get through the crowd to the bar. Lou gets us the first round of drinks, and we find our spot on the dancefloor, but after twenty minutes Sylvie is already telling me that she and Charlotte are going to the bathroom. 'Coming?' she asks me.

I glance between Sylvie and Charlotte, unsure, but decide to follow them to the bathroom anyway, because I don't want to lose them. We head upstairs, and have a view over the dancefloor, before finding the toilets.

The four of us pile into one cubicle, and Charlotte pulls out her little baggie of coke. She places her phone face up on the toilet lid.

'Line, Jane?' Charlotte asks me, as she's doling out the white powder onto the glass of her phone.

'Oh, go on then,' I say. 'One can't hurt.'

'That's my girl,' Sylvie says, flinging her arm around me. 'We've turned you cool.'

'Jane was cool already,' Charlotte says. 'You're up, Lou.'

I take the rolled up five pound note off Lou when she's done and crouch down next to the toilet.

As we're exiting the toilet I taste that now-familiar bitterness in the back of my throat. I catch sight of myself and the three girls in the mirror, and can't help but think how cool we look. There's Charlotte, with her bright red ponytail and her tan skin, wearing a strapless top that shows off her petite shoulders and collarbones. There's Sylvie, with her long black wig and perfect make up, her lips painted dark brown and voluminous. There's Lou, with a wild mess of brown hair, black-ringed eyes and an edgy look. And then there's me, with my chin-length blonde hair, styled in messy waves, and my all-black outfit. We look like a girl squad you shouldn't mess with.

When we get back downstairs and into the smoke and lights that is the dancefloor, the coke hits me, and I feel that surge of energy, and my heart starts to race. My teeth feel weird and numb.

As the lights flash orange, blue, green and purple, I can feel my pulse in my neck, and my breathing becomes shallow. I suddenly start thinking of the harm coke can do to people's hearts, and the fear spreads through me rapidly.

I try to focus on the other girls, dancing, but I'm concentrating too hard on containing my breathing to have fun.

'You okay?' Sylvie asks me.

'I'm not sure,' I yell at her, over the noise, and she shoots me a smile but I don't think she's heard me.

'I need a drink to wash this taste out of my mouth,' I tell Sylvie, and she nods, and the four of us head out of the dance floor area and towards the bar.

'You okay, Jane?' Lou asks. 'You look kinda pale.'

'I think I'm okay,' I say. 'Just the coke hitting.'

'I think it's laced with a bit of speed,' Sylvie says, wrinkling her nose. 'That's that feeling of your heart racing.'

I am glad that I'm not the only one feeling my heart racing too fast, but I still don't feel comfortable. We order drinks, because I hope a drink will help calm me, and we agree to stand for a bit away from the dance floor, because it's too busy in there. My palms are sweating.

'I think I'm just having a bit of a bad reaction,' I say, wiping my palms on my skirt. 'I just feel really panicky.'

'Ah, yeah, I know what you mean,' Sylvie says. 'That happens. But seriously, don't worry, nothing bad is going to happen. We're all here with you.'

'Just focus on breathing slower,' Charlotte says, and she takes my hand. 'You're kinda hyperventilating.'

I laugh. 'I'm not doing it on purpose.'

Charlotte smiles. 'You're okay, Jane. You know, sometimes when you're like this, the best thing to do is just dance and try to get the energy out of you.'

'Okay, let's try that,' I say. I down the rest of my drink.

We hold each others hands as we push through the people to the dance floor, and I concentrate on slowing my breathing. We get onto the floor, and I put all of my energy into dancing, but my mind is still racing, and I am still finding it hard to breathe. Even after a whole hour of focusing on dancing, I'm still panicked. I can't switch my mind off. I can't lose myself to the music like I want to.

When Charlotte suggests we go and do another line and get another drink, I follow the girls to the toilet, but there's no way I want to do another line, after how the first one made me feel. Instead I wash my hands rigorously in the bathroom, trying to get the sweaty feeling off them.

It's almost two in the morning by this point, and I'm feeling increasingly sober, and know that I'm not having a good time.

'Girls,' I say. 'I think I want to go home. I'm really not feeling it tonight.'

'Are you okay?' Sylvie asks, and she pulls me into a hug. 'Do you want me to go with you?'

'No, no,' I tell her. 'I can't make you leave. I'll be fine, I'll just get an uber.'

'Well text us if you need us,' Charlotte says firmly, although I know there's no way they'll be checking their phones.

'I'll be fine,' I tell them. 'Please don't worry about me. You guys have a good night.'

'Stay safe, babe,' Charlotte says. The three of them walk me back towards the exit, and then they split off and go the dance floor, while I head outside and order an Uber. It'll be expensive at this time in the morning, but I don't care. I just want to get home.

• Author's Note •

Do you like Lou?

Fun fact: Lou was actually supposed to be one of the Original Brew Crew, working in the bookstore when Jane first joined. But I realised I had too many characters, so I cut her. BUT, I have always kept her in the back of my mind because I think she delivers that edgy, alternative chic vibe that the group needs. So she'll probably pop up a bit more in this book.

xx Elle