Frankly My Dear, All's Fair in Love and War

5: More Men to Cry For

Lucas Montgomery

It's not that I don't like boobs, but sometimes I just prefer wood.

I forgot how old I was when I realized that I preferred to stroke another guy's junk than to jam a couple of fingers inside something wet. But I know that I much prefer to be the little spoon of a much bigger person than I am. Anyway, since I stand at 5'11, most of the people that fit the criteria are guys. Men. Male. Dudes.

In other words, yes, Lucas Montgomery occasionally goes for the other side of the team.

Yes, Lucas Montgomery doesn't ask and doesn't tell.

Yes. Lucas Montgomery is bi. Except, I'm not curious at all. I know that I prefer to take it like a champ than stick it in like Rambo. I'm just not sure if I'll still have my social standing if everybody knows that this is not just a 'phase'.

I'm actually really afraid that my whole life will be ruined because a certain guy I hooked up with will decide that the whole 'woods before boobs' thing was actually not a one-month duration phase we're exploring together. And when he had his taste, he expected me to have the same kind of epiphany. Unfortunately, for me it was the real deal; that liking guys would be what I would do for the rest of my life.

I should have known that I shouldn't disagree with Desmond Arrington; shouldn't coax him into prolonging that one month fling into something with a degree of permanence.

And now, a year later, he's still aiming for my jugular. And not in a sexual way.

It was all supposed to be very experimental; that was the word that we had used when we kissed the second time sober. Desmond thought that it would be edgy to kiss a guy, and he thought that what we had was supposed to be only that : just an edgy, hipster-y, experimental thing two hot, bored guys do in their junior high school year.

So when he decided that he was bored of me, he wanted my word that what we had was nothing more than that. That I was also experimenting, and just being edgy and artsy.

Except I totally wasn't.

And of course, I understand that sometimes love doesn't last. I do, I really do. I understand if sometimes Desmond Arrington gets bored of someone. Given his history and long-list of exes, I was lucky to stay a little longer than 28 days.

But now he had robbed my freedom to come out. I can kiss guys, but then I have to also divide my time with girls. I can get into as many gay-dating apps there is, but then I also have to date girls, too. I can wear androgynous clothing, but I also need to roughen up and act like a macho guy occasionally. I'm stuck in this little purgatory called 'phase'.

And it sucked. It sucked so bad to live like this.

Desmond Arrington is a demon in the form of a Greek God, and he needs to be taken down a peg or two. I've been scheming for months, but right now, I've finally gotten the opportunity to see him cry.

Maybe doing this won't grant me my freedom to come out, but at least I can see him suffer half as much as I did. Maybe doing this won't add much to my life, but at least I can see his life downgrade a little bit. Maybe doing this won't benefit me in the long term, but at least I can see him be miserable in the short term.

And for me, that's enough.

That's enough.

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5: More Men to Cry For

When Cassie texted Lucas about her predicament, she didn't expect to see him in just about five minutes of time. Lucas had always been a slow-texter, a creature so deeply invested in his own time and/or hobbies that he simply got out of touch with his means of communication.