Letters To My Mate

Chapter Eighteen

EIGHTEEN

My fourth letter from Ethan has not arrived.

I had asked Sebastian if his family had received their letter as soon as I got to school after finding my mail box to be empty, but he showed me the envelope that had arrived that morning. It was starting to really get to me – why did he no longer want to talk to me? Was it because I had previously told him to leave if he didn't want to drag on our relationship anymore? Oh gosh, that was it. What I said in that letter made him realise that he did not need or want me.

I started to get dizzy and my vision started going blurry, as if I was viewing my surroundings on a fuzzy TV screen. My thoughts were blank and I couldn't think. I felt trapped and started shaking, trying to find a way to breathe. My heart felt like it would burst at any minute due to its rapid beating and I started to feel dizzy. I felt around for the nearest chair, my hand shaking as I did so, and I felt two arms guide me onto the chair. Was I dying? What's going on? I felt myself shaking and tried to take control of the situation by taking slow breaths but my heart was not slowing down and breathing was not getting any easier. My vision started to ease and become less blurry and I saw the outline of Sebastian crouching in front of me, his lips moving frantically. I could not hear anything that he was saying, though.

Someone else came over towards me and made Seb stand up and take a few steps backwards – No! I tried to reach out to Seb, I needed him here. "Breathe slowly," I heard a feminine voice say. Sebastian moved forward and ignored whoever was trying to calm me down and took hold of my hands. Then, he pulled me into a hug and whispered encouragements into my ear.

"Relax, Rach." I heard him say, "Loosen your muscles."

I tried to do as he said and closed my eyes, relaxing my body from head-to-toe. I stopped panicking about what was going on and removed any thoughts of death and could feel myself calm down. The shaking stopped and both my vision and hearing were back to normal. I let go of Seb and looked to my right, where a nurse stood.

"Wh-what happened?" I asked. I was confused as to what had just taken place.

"You had a panic attack, sweetie."

* * * * *

Sebastian did not leave my side for the rest of the day; he said that he wanted to make sure that somebody I was comfortable with was there just in case it happened again. He didn't question me as to why I started panicking and, once again, I was very grateful. Though it was a kind and sweet gesture, it was also very overwhelming having him next to me for the entire day – Don't get me wrong, I love his company, but I was not used to having someone stand by me and have someone constantly worry about me and have their attention on me.

However, he could not be there with me when I got home. Although, he did offer to stay over at my house so that I didn't have to be alone. I feel as if Ethan has talked to him as he never used to be this protective over me; I don't need a protector but I can't help but feel flattered and it brings a huge smile to my face.

The main reason that I could not allow him to come over was my father – who knows what he would do if he saw me bring a boy home? I know that he would expect that I was 'whoring around' and I knew he would not believe me if I even attempted to tell him the truth. Usually, my father would be in his bedroom or out somewhere that I did not want to know about. That was the reason I was not expecting him to be at home and drunk, waiting for me to arrive in the living room.

From his excessive cursing and kicking at the settee and the strong smell of alcohol that flooded in my nose, I could tell that he was extremely drunk. I had never actually seen him this drunk with my very own eyes as I would always expect the worst and try my best to escape him if he tried to come into my room – I knew that when he was this drunk he would not have any remorse and would not hold back at all.