- letter of love ♡ sidemen + willne -

❁ dear jj ❁

dear jj,
fuck you.
you hurt me.
you scarred me.
you made me feel worthless.
but the worst part is
you didn't feel a thing.
when you asked for sex
and i denied
you smiled and ripped me from the couch.
when i cried for help
you stuck your hand over my mouth
and threatened everything.
as i pleaded no
you were unbuttoning my jeans
and laughing at my pain.
when it all happened
all i remember is that
stupid fucking grin on your face.
you felt no pain.
yet left me aching for weeks.
i was threatened my life.
threatened everything i had
to keep quiet.
so at parties when you put your
arm around me
i had to smile and act like best buds.
when you told me a story
i was forced to laugh and listen.
but the irony is that
who would've thought in two months
i'd be taking my own life
instead of you doing it for me.
you made my life a living hell.
going out to the shops were such a struggle
for you said i was so vulnerable
you wouldn't be surprised if it
happened again.
for two whole months
i had to live everyday in fear.
i had to live everyday planning
my steps and next moves.
if a man walked by i turned the other way.
even if it was the wrong direction.
one day a man asked if i knew
the train times
and i got up so quickly i almost
fell right there on the concrete.
and that was the first day.
the first day i've ever thought of suicide.
i could've just jumped right there.
but will texted me.
at the time i was so grateful
but thinking back
i was wrong
how stupid am i.
maybe it was my fault.
but it's okay now.
im gone.
and maybe in the sky i can live in peace.
but i hope you know.
after that day i never lived in peace.
and you're a fucking psychopath
because you lived perfectly fine.
you're sick.
get some help.
because if anyone needs it
it's you. 
fuck you olajide olatunji
this is not a letter of love.
but a letter of pure hatred.
and i wish i had the guts to say that alive.