Can't I Touch Your Heart?

Chapter 68 Sacred And Sincerely

Loraine left Ember's room in the hospital ward and walked swiftly across the crowd. He looked ahead and finally saw Rhea, walking slowly while rubbing her eyes. He shouted her name but she didn't listen. He ran towards her and grabbed her wrist. "Ember?" She turned and looked into his eyes. Loraine left her wrist "Listen when people call out your name,"

"Sorry," Rhea apologised.
"Why are you apologising?"
"Because I felt like I hurt you,"
"By mistaking me with my brother?" He asked. Rhea nodded.
"That's nothing, silly. Happens all the time,"

Rhea and Loraine slowly walked towards the gate of the hospital together as he talked to her about Ember's condition and what he was going through. She listened quietly.

"Why didn't he tell me himself? Why did he send you?" She stopped and asked him.
"He didn't. I came because I wanted to,"
"Why?"
"Because you know you're hurt and I couldn't send you home with a heavy heart,"

Rhea didn't know what to say. She squeezed her hands inside her coat's pockets. She sunk her mouth into the muffler around her neck and continued walking. He walked beside her. They got near her bicycle and she unlocked it while he stared at her, fog leaving his mouth like smoke.
"You know, I saw it coming," She said. Loraine looked at her.

"I knew something was wrong with him. But I didn't take it seriously because I thought if it is Ember, it'll be okay. He looked happy...and his smile was so convincing that I'm just overthinking. But now, as I look at him, I realise how fragile a person can really be, both physically and mentally, and why it is so important to cherish every moment and person in our lives. I knew all of that before that of course, but the difference when you hear it and when you feel it happening before you, it's like day and night. 

He even made me not give up on painting. I've been struggling for years to get back to it, but I've been always putting it off, saying to myself that painting a little every now and then is enough if I want to connect with art, so I just focused on my studying. It's finally embedded in my mind that it's not enough. Painting is just a whole other way of expression and every colour is an extension of one's self. That's why some people like some colours more than others. I wish, I would have known this sooner, now all I can do is watch,"

"No, you couldn't have done anything even if you knew," Loraine said, "We are mere bystanders. All we can do is give him flowers of words and then watch them wither away and die,"

Rhea took a deep breath and got on her bike "Well, that's the cost of love, you know," She chuckled, "To love what is mortal and hold it against you knowing your life depends on it,"
"I understand your pain," Loraine rubbed his hands together and covered them over his mouth, blowing warm air onto them.

"It's getting cold," Loraine looked at the sky.
"You should go inside, I'll go home now," Rhea turned back and paddled back home, remembering those hospital walls, his dried lips, his arms with little needle marks, hanging by the die, his eyes too tired from the lack of sleep, his protruding ribs when he rose his shirt to let Elford examine him, all the stitch marks on his abdomen, yet he was smiling. She looked up at the sky blue landscape of the December days. She stopped the bicycle, 

"I'm afraid to lose you..."

. . .

Elford sat in his cabin and chewed the bubble gum as he worked on his computer. The air conditioners were switched on and the room was cold. Loraine sat in front of him and looked at him meticulously working on Ember's reports on his computer. He also had a few print-outs in his hand. He paused in an array of thoughts while staring at his computer screen.

"I need to talk to Ember," Elford informed Loraine, and the latter simply nodded.

Elford walked into Ember's room with his writing pad and a pen. He sat on a chair in front of Ember and asked him to remove his clothes. The heaters were on. Ember removed his sweater, shirt and pyjamas and stood before Elford. Elford dropped the pen in his hand as he looked at Ember. He was very alarmingly thin, showing the symptoms of chronic starvation. His backbone protruded out of his back, barely below his skin, his ribs floated just beneath his chest.

"How are your sleeping patterns?" Elford asked.
"I can't sleep that well because it hurts,"
"Where does it hurt?"
"My stomach and sometimes my feet go numb too,"
"Since when?"
"There has been mild stomach ache since always after the last surgery, but recently, it has become unbearable,"

"Do you have proper bowel movements daily?"
"No, it has been a while since I went to the bathroom,"
"How about urination?"
"Yeah, that's normal,"
"That means there are problems with your gut since your metabolism and excretory system are working properly," Elford wrote something on the paper, "So, I suppose you can't eat since it hurts?"

"Yes, and I also vomit the moment I eat,"
"What have you been eating till now?"
"Glucose IVs are given to me twice a day,"
"Alright, I'll be conducting an upper gastrointestinal exam," Elford looked into Ember's eyes.

'This could be Superior Mesenteric Artery syndrome. But, let me conduct the test just to be sure' He thought.

[Note- Superior mesenteric artery syndrome (SMA) is a digestive condition that occurs when the duodenum (the first part of the small intestine) is compressed between two arteries (the aorta and the superior mesenteric artery). This compression causes partial or complete blockage of the duodenum- leading to complete indigestion, weight loss and stomach aches]

"Upper gastrointestinal exam?" Ember asked while wearing his clothes.
"It's a part of the GL series which is a study performed by radiologists where he'll use continuous X rays called Frasca P. It's a way of looking at the upper digestive tract. You'll be drinking Barium; a contrast solution that will allow me to watch in real-time as the liquid flows through your digestive tract," Elford said.

"You'll be looking inside me?" Ember asked.
"Yes, I will. Now rest up, I'll see you at the X-ray room," Elford left and Ember touched the silver thread around his neck. What was going on? He had already lost his stomach and half of his lungs, what next? How much more was there to lose? Would he ever get out of this hospital?

He looked down from his window at the park where kids played and teenagers were hanging out, clicking selfies or eating fast food. How difficult it was to watch others do things that seemed fun and not being able to do them. And how difficult it was...Wanting to stay but not being able to stay,"

Rhea reached home and saw Neel sit in a corner of the street, near a little bonfire he had made. Rhea decided to join him. They both sat on two straw chairs surrounding a huge bowl filled with a glowing coal. Neel had laid a newspaper to throw all the sugarcane roughage on that. Rhea warmed her hands while he ate the sugarcane.

"Your father told me to come to your place anymore," He said and Rhea looked at him, "Dad did? But why?"
"Well, guess he doesn't want you to get distracted from your studies,"
"That's so like him. He's always been like that. Some things just never change,"
"You changed, though," Neel continued eating, "You weren't like this,"

"Then how was I?"
"You're beginning to take painting solely as a measure to prove yourself to your father. Didn't you yourself say that art is meant to be enjoyed, not commercialised? What are you doing now? Selling your talent,"
"But I am enjoying it,"

"It's different somehow. Maybe it's not even in a bad way. I remember when we were little, you painted just because Ember liked painting. And now, look at you. You paint when because you like painting," 
She laughed, "You remember all that?"
"Of course, I do. I remember back then, Ember was a very shy child, quite opposite of what he is now. He looked so different from the others which adds to the stereotypes they had created for foreigners. So, they tried to bully him and I think you saved him,"

"Tell me more. Tell me everything you remember,"

-To be continued

Neel Dewan
Can't I Touch Your Heart?