The Boy Who Broke Mirrors

18

By the time everyone's eaten, I'm tipsy again. I'm not in the state of euphoria I was in earlier, but I feel invincible, and that's enough. Robbie's asking me if I've had any driving lessons yet, so I tell him I haven't, but my uncle lives on a farm so I've driven a tractor. He finds that hilarious, and almost chokes on his soggy burger. He keeps bragging about his car, and when I tell him it resembles a shed on wheels, he dares me to drive it. So I agree.

We're back in the country lanes. Robbie doesn't think it's safe for me to drive on any main roads, so he's pulled up outside Boys' Village again. Most people have left, so it's just Aiden, Robbie and Preston with me in the car. After Robbie explains the whole clutch-accelerator scenario to me, he opens his car door and gets out. Before he can get very far, Preston jumps out from the backseat, and grabs Robbie's arm.

'You're not actually letting her drive, are you?'

He sounds angry. Really angry.

'Nah, I just drove us here for a laugh, and now I'm going to drive right back to where we came from.' Robbie laughs, but Preston sure as hell doesn't. He needs to relax.

'She's not driving.'

'Yes, I am, screw you,' I snap, peeking out the window at them.

Robbie and Preston start arguing and it's really damn loud and annoying, so I leave the car. I don't think they notice because they're still arguing when I step back into it, this time on the driver's side. I fasten my seat belt. See, I'm responsible.

'Uh, guys,' Aiden says, distracting Robbie and Preston.

They turn to him, and it takes a few moments for them to realise where I'm sitting. Once they do, Robbie cheers and laughs as he heads towards the passenger side. My palms are sweating a little as I grasp the steering wheel, and for the first time tonight, my heart is pumping. I smile. This is what I need, this is exactly what I've been craving. When I turn to my left, it's Preston sitting in the passenger seat, not Robbie.

'Mia, don't do this. You've been drinking, you can't drive, it's dark, and these lanes are a death trap.'

Does Preston do anything but whine? Where's Zack? I can't believe it, but I actually want him to be Zack right now. Why hasn't he been drinking? Everyone else has.

'I'm fine, just leave me be.' I make sure to say the next sentence loudly enough for Aiden and Robbie to hear. 'Deal with it, Preston.'

He doesn't say anything in return. He clenches his jaw, clips his seat belt in, and stares straight ahead. I'm pretty sure Robbie and Aiden weren't even listening, but I think it's fair to say I win.

I return my focus to the car. The engine is making a quiet humming sound, and the steering wheel feels heavy in my hands. I can sense every breath I take, really sense it, and my hands are shaky.

I'm terrified. It's perfect.

Remembering what Robbie said about feeling for the bite, I press down on the clutch lightly, lower the accelerator, and lift the handbrake. The car jolts, then stops dead. I gasp, and the boys in the back take it as their cue to mock me.

'Mia stalled!' Robbie announces.

I shake my head as I flush.

'Don't remove the handbrake until you feel the car drop slightly,' Preston mutters beside me.

Oh, so now he's helping me?

I do as Preston says, and much to my dismay, it works. It doesn't last long because I stall again. Another shot of adrenaline races through me. Robbie makes another joke, and I turn to Preston pleadingly. I want more. I need fear to engulf me. He sighs before telling me to lift the clutch more slowly as the car begins rolling. Finally, I begin driving.

I start slow, and if I may say so myself, I'm not too bad at this whole driving thing. I've left the responsibility of gear changes to Preston, who keeps glancing at me. As the car creeps through the narrow lanes, I can sense my pulse all over my body, and there's a buzzing in my head that's getting louder and louder each minute. I speed up. Preston tells me to slow down, but I don't. I speed up a little more. I keep going faster and faster until nothing is real anymore.

Robbie leans forward from the back of the car, and switches the radio on. A classical song fills the small space, and Aiden and Robbie shriek with laughter, but Preston promptly turns it off, so Robbie complains and fights to turn it back on again, but I don't care. I don't care about any of them, or what they're doing. They're not real, not now. Only I'm real in this moment. The radio is on again, Robbie and Aiden are laughing and singing, Preston's hand is on the bottom of the steering wheel, and I'm smiling like a maniac.

I'm barely going thirty, but it feels like I've stopped the world, like we're moving faster than time itself. I can feel nothing, but sense everything. The booming laughter that fills the car, Preston's looming presence beside me, the trees and bushes swishing past. Preston is yanking at the wheel, and I'm giggling. He keeps pulling it towards him, over and over again. He's shouting, so I turn the wheel away from him, but he just shouts even more, and so I laugh even more.

Then Robbie shouts, and everything is real again.

There's a turn in the road, but the car's facing straight ahead, and Preston is pulling the steering wheel one last time but it's too late, so all I see is darkness and all I feel is my heart in my throat.

And then nothing.

This nothing is different though, this nothing is numb. Empty. Preston isn't real and Robbie isn't real and Aiden isn't real. I'm not real. We're all just pretend people in a pretend world. The nothingness doesn't last long because within moments, a feeling of nausea overcomes me. I can smell metal, my forehead is wet, and there's a shuffling sound. Something touches me and I want to push it off, but I can't open my eyes, let alone move. Why can't I open my eyes? I'm scared. I'm not scared like I was when I was driving; I don't welcome this fear, I repel it. I'm moving, how am I moving? Is something moving me? I want to be sick.

What's happening?