Repulsion

43.

He remained silent for the rest of the day. And now I could understand what happened when we went for dinner at his parent's place.

I cried in my room for hours after hearing his pain and feeling it. While he just sat in his room staring at nothing.

He refused Lunch saying he doesn't want to eat. And now it was dinner time.
I made his favourite soup and salad with some roasted chicken. I slowly knocked on his door, and then entered only to find him standing by the window, staring outside.

I kept the food tray on the coffee table and waited for him to acknowledge my presence. But I got nothing.

Sighing I went and stood behind him. I knew well what comfort anyone desires when the heart pains.

See the irony, I was the one to build those walls of modesty between us.
Fuck those walls! He needs me now.

I snaked my arms around his torso and kept my head on his back. He did stiffen at the touch, but I  had no intention to save myself. Pressing my cheek tight, on his back, I spoke up, "Eric! I know it hurts. When you cut your finger, Evelyn used to cry alot. You think seeing you this way, hurting and unhappy, would let her be in peace!?"

That grabbed his attention. He moved a bit.
I thought I should move away, but as soon as I started taking back my hands, he caught them. He wrapped them around him tightly.

My breath was caught in my throat, but I realized this is all I desire in my life. I pressed my forehead on his back and tried to relax my thumping heart.

I am falling hard! And I can't help it!
It's destructive! I know he will never feel the same. And I know I don't deserve him. I was like a moth flying into the very flame, that will burn me.

But don't I deserve this momentary satisfaction!? Am I that unfortunate?

E R I C

"Erica?"
"Hmm?"
"Is there a way a person can come back from death?",I asked her. I know my question is absurd, and a man as practical as me, would never believe in a shit like reincarnation, but when it comes to Eve, will believe in every unrealistic thing.

I heard her sigh and squeeze my body a little. I don't know what happened, but I feel light today. I never knew she's capable of sharing my pain, and making it a little less hurting.

"Eric! I will tell you one story!", Her voice vibrated in my body as her cheek was pressed to my back as she spoke.
"I read it may be two years back. I don't read much of that genre, but magical realism is good to try. The protagonist there was a man, who dies in an attack. He had some dangerous connections due to which his wife was raped and then killed just before him. The image scarred his soul, and before dying he pledged to avenge.
The story then takes a leap of several years, and the same man is reincarnated as the son of the killer. He still had the faint images from his previous birth, but as a son he also loved his father. Then at the appropriate age, he met a girl, who belonged to a very poor family.
He started loving her but his father disapproved as she didn't match their social status. When the son protested, the fresh rivalry began.
Time changed! Situations changed! Now the father was at the son's mercy, because he was taken down. He remembered everything, and then avenged his wife's murder!"

I was lost in the story, "You see I don't believe in reincarnation or rebirth. That was ancient people's way to make the pain of someone's death, especially there loved ones a little subtle and bearable. You get hope and your desire to live persists. That's a remedy Eric!"

"You mean if I hope, I can have Eve back!"

"Ofcourse you can!", She removed her hands and came before me, "You said Eve's last words were that she will come back to you. Most probably she will! May be in the form of your daughter! You said she looked upon you more than James or Jessica! And a big brother is always a father figure Eric!"

That sounded so good, and a smile broke on my face, "And I can name my daughter Evelyn!"

She grinned, "Ofcourse you can! And wait what was the colour of her eyes!?"

"Our eyes had the same colour!"

"Then your daughter too can have her eye colour!", I chuckled and shook my head!

"Your literature sucks Erica!"
She narrowed her eyes at me, "But you can't deny the fact that it made you happy!"

I nodded and then after few moments, we sat down to eat.
Once done, she picked up everything and left my room allowing me to sleep. I didn't want her to go, but I guess that is enough of her responsibilities.

I went in the washroom for a shower, but when I came back I was astonished to see her doing the bed. Not that she had never done that before but because I thought she won't come back now, as her job was over.

As she saw me, she came forward, "Ah! There you are! See I have brought you some chocolate milk! It is warm and it will help you to sleep."

I was awestruck but didn't vocalise my thoughts.
Sitting on the bed, I drank the very delicious milk.
But that was not what bothered me. What bothered me was her standing beside me all the while.

I gave her the glass, thinking she would leave now. I don't want her to leave. But why would she stay here!?

She turned and I sighed knowing it's time to sulk alone, again.

"Remove your wrist watch Eric! That constricts blood flow!", I looked up taken aback. She's still here.
I did as she said.

She then held my shoulder and my breath hitched at the contact, "Lie down properly!"
I did and she pulled the duvet above me. Sitting beside me she closed my eyes by slowly trailing her palm over my face.

I felt at peace. The trouble inside me has settled down. And I well knew it will resurface the moment she leaves this room.
Her hand slowly patted my forehead and my hand that was resting on my stomach.

"You are tugging me like I am a baby, Erica!", I inform her.

She rolled her eyes, "Don't act like you are not one Eric! Because when you throw tantrums, you surpass all the babies of this world!"

"Ok Mom! As you say!", I chuckled.

Her gentle touch and the feel of her near me relaxed me like no alcohol, no drugs, no sleeping pills could ever do.
My eyes started giving up and I felt her touches slightly fading.

Then I felt a kiss on my head, as sleep completely took over me. But even lost in the sleep, I somehow managed to say, what I would never gather the courage to say when wide awake.

"Sleep with me Erica!"

I don't know what happened then, because the sleep completely dominated me. But I was sure of one thing. I trusted her with one thing.

She would never refuse me!