Reason To Be (A Zouis Family AU)

Part Four, Chapter Three

They fight quite often, actually.

Even when he was in sixth form, not long after they started dating, they bickered a lot. He didn't hand in some homework on time, Brad would call him lazy and they'd argue. He didn't feel like going out into town with him once he'd turned eighteen, Brad would call him boring and they'd argue. Back then he'd argue back; they'd both bite at each other until eventually, their insults became sarcastic and they'd wind up apologising through laughter.

Now, it feels like Brad wins every argument - and that's mainly because he yells and Harry won't yell back to stop it from escalating and that means Brad gets the last word. He wins. He holds the power in their relationship, and Harry never used to mind it so much, he didn't mind being the less dominant one.

And he still doesn't mind now (he loves Brad, he does), but he wishes he could restore some sort of balance between the two of them because Brad says he plays the victim and he doesn't intend to.

The next time they fight is over dinner a day later. He cooks something for once rather than eating takeout, just something simple - in the hopes of making Brad happy. And he is at first.

Until he decides the the food tastes wrong and starts pointing fingers.

"You've put something in it because you hate me," he snaps, and Harry has no idea where Brad got that idea from because he doesn't hate him. He could never hate him.

(He loves him. He does.)

He shakes his head quickly, abandoning his own meal and knowing his blood sugars will pay the price later - but he doesn't care about that right now because his heart is starting to race and he doesn't want the yelling to start again, not when they've only just made up.

"Brad, no," he says, moving around the kitchen counter to stand by him. "I could never. I love you. I love you," he repeats, and Brad just scoffs, standing up as well and turning to glare down at him.

"You sound pathetic. You're so needy," he spits the words like they're venom, and they feel like venom to Harry. They sting and burn into his very core and he hates the way that tears instantly come to his eyes - because Brad isn't even yelling, but somehow the words hurt worse.

He tries to wrap his arms around Brad, only to be pushed away without much force, though he feels like he's just been punched. "Please, Brad. I'm sorry, okay? I can make something else. I just want you to know I love you," he presses, knowing now that he sounds pathetic and hating himself for it.

Brad stares at him and his face soften, jaw clenching a little. "No, you don't. You don't love me. You hate me," he murmurs, shaking his head.

And that hurts more than the words and the rejection combined, knowing that he's done something to make his boyfriend believe such a thing. And he doesn't know what else to do, and he's desperate to convince him otherwise, so his shaking hands find their way to the buckle of Brad's belt and he looks up with wide eyes.

"Let me prove it to you, then. Please, Brad. I love you," he repeats; sounding like a broken record to even his own ears but willing to say it a billion times over if it means that Brad will say it back or at least believe him.

And Brad lets him prove it to him; Harry leads him into the bedroom even though he isn't in the mood and he doesn't really want to, he just wants to make Brad happy, wants to make him realise that he loves him. It hurts him to think that he feels hated.

Afterwards, Brad sleeps beside him in the bed with one strong arm locked around his waist and his face nuzzled into his neck from behind, naked bodies pressed flush together.