Scared (L.S)

thirty five

That night, for the first time in the few weeks that Louis had been living at the Styles', the two boys slept alone. Harry in Gemma's room, as his mum had asked him to from the beginning, and Louis, crying quietly under Harry's duvet.

Harry felt empty. He loved Louis, of course he did. You can't spend almost every minute of every day with someone for weeks and not love them. But he was scared. He didn't want to hold Louis back. He loved Louis enough to want everything for the boy. He wanted Louis to be able to go off to university without having to think about Harry at every moment. He wanted Louis to be able to truly enjoy life and Harry felt as though that would be impossible if they were still together. He saw Gemma and her friends, and, aside from Liam and Danielle, none of them had long, committed relationships. They had hookups and flings and were able to truly enjoy everything that the world had to offer them.

Even Danielle and Liam had only gotten together towards the end of their first year. No one Harry knew had ended up with their high school sweetheart. Except, of course, his own parents, but he had seen first hand what that had led to. Tears and arguments and yelling and divorce. Perhaps he was a cynic but Harry would rather end things with Louis now rather than stay together because they were scared to be apart, leading to the life of resentment his parents had struggled with for years.

To him, this entire thing was almost clinical. Breaking up with Louis was a necessity as it would allow them both to achieve everything they wanted to, without being held back by one another.

Louis, on the other hand, was a flat out mess. Now, it would be a lie to say that he wasn't a tad bit more emotional, ever since he was kicked out of his mum's. He had a harder time keeping his emotions in check and felt overwhelmed almost all of the time. He was able to keep everything inside throughout the day but there hadn't been a single night where Louis could keep in his tears through first light.

He had been suffering from nightmares, which usually resulted in his waking up at three am and sobbing quietly to keep Harry from waking, which was always in vain. Harry had always been a light sleeper and the moment he felt Louis take in a sharp breath he would be up and wrapping his arms around the older boy, rubbing his side, his back, his cheek, anything in an effort to calm the boy down.

But that night, the moment Harry left the room, Louis' tears began. He cried and cried until he fell asleep, only to wake up in the early hours of the morning to cry again, getting maybe four hours of sleep in a sharp contrast with his normal eight.

He spent every waking moment hoping, praying - although he wasn't sure how much he really believed in God anymore - that Harry would walk through the door and wrap him tightly in his arms.

Louis often complained about Harry's growing height as he wanted nothing more than to hold Harry in his arms at all times, but in the dark, he quite appreciated being able to fit so snugly into Harry's arms. To Louis, he had seen it as a sign that the two boys were meant for each other. Of course, Harry didn't seem to think so anymore. And Louis didn't know what he was supposed to do with that.

The next morning, Louis woke up with puffy eyes and a heavy heart. He really didn't want to get up and go to school, but he had a test in his English class and it was getting way too close to exams to be risking his marks, not if he wanted to get into a good university.

He wiped his eyes and sat up, grabbing his phone from the floor, where he had thrown it the night before, not bothering to plug it in. He had no notifications, other than from the footie team group chat, talking about the game they had after school that day. He had almost hoped that Harry would have texted him throughout the night, but, alas, nothing.

The bedroom door opened and Harry slipped in, his hair in every direction and his eyes just as puffy as Louis'.

"Harry," Louis said, his voice cracking. Harry didn't even look at him, he just moved to his dresser and proceeded to take out clothes for the day.