Lost in the Castle

~40~

I spent the days that followed Vlad's departure, mostly in my chamber. It kept raining outside, and I felt too tired to venture outside anyway. So I stayed in bed, drifting in and out of sleep, talking to Junior when he came to check on me, eating when Katerina appeared with my meals.

Now that Vlad was gone and I didn't have to defend him from Katerina almost constantly, trying to keep peace between them, I had more time to spend with my old nurse without feeling angry with her.

I recalled with a pang of disappointment that there had been a moment in their relationship when she was treating Vlad more civilly, making me hope that she finally changed her mind about him. It didn't last long, though. Katerina became her normal, annoying self again after the incident with Radu. It was quite relaxing not to hear them snapping at each other for a while.

Despite her being busy attending to all the sick in the castle, before Vlad would fetch Maria the healer with him on his way back, Katerina found some time to sit at my side and talk to me. I guessed she pitied me, lonely as I was without my companions-- Sorina had left the castle with Mihail soon after their wedding, and now even Clara was gone.

Questioning my old nurse was my favourite pastime at the moment. I realised that over the year that I spent here I was so bewildered by everything that was happening around me and worried about what might be happening in my other, future world, that I didn't properly ask Katerina about my past. I still didn't remember anything of what had happened in my life before coming to live in this castle when I was fifteen.

But for some reason, Katerina didn't seem to be willing to tell me much when I asked her now. She carefully avoided most of my questions, and I tried to respect her, her incomprehensible reasons and feelings... I didn't want her to remember things she obviously wanted to keep forgotten. Or hidden. However, my curiosity was growing with each of her vague, mysterious answers. I decided that I would ask Vlad when he returned.

The nurse only told me that my family was from Moldavia, like Vlad's mother, my father's very distant relative. That's how my and Vlad's parents knew each other. My mother-- whom Katerina refused to talk about in detail-- died giving birth to me, and my father loved her so much that he never properly looked at me once I was born. To him, I was the reason why she died. That's probably why I did not remember him at all. Just before he died in one of the battles where he fought alongside Vlad and his father, the two promised him to look after me as there were no other, closer relatives still alive in our family. And so I was sent here to marry Radu...

Katerina was equally vague and mysterious when I asked her about the portal. As the day when it was supposed to open approached, I grew more nervous, not knowing what to expect. But Katerina only said that for once my husband was right, we should walk through and come back, and she didn't know more about it... Somehow, she failed to convince me about her complete ignorance, but I was too tired to fight for her scarce, unclear, and confusing answers.

I was still ruminating about what Katerina had told me before she left me alone again to go to check on her patients, when Junior appeared at the foot of my bed one long, boring afternoon.

"If you get bored and care for a game, I'll be in the library, Human," He announced and disappeared again as fast as he had arrived.

Playing chess with him was better than just dozing off again, I decided. I stood up and wrapped the grey and white, fur-lined blanket over my dress. The castle had definitely been a more pleasant place in the summer. Today, the stone walls seemed to be impregnated with all that cold water that has been pouring outside for days, making me feel chilled to the bones.

I stopped by the fireplace to caress the two sleeping wolves before joining Junior in the other room. I kind of envied them; they didn't seem to have a care in the world. They had enough food, a warm place to sleep, and each other. If you found those, you found your private piece of Heaven on Earth, I mused. When did you become jealous of your wolves? My subconscious asked, making me sigh and finally walk to the library.