The Secret of Tanencha sy Tyrin

10 | Light and Dark

Together as one. She and the Tanencha weren't different people. As much as she saw them as opposites, the Tanencha with a wise, calming yet stern voice, while Stella was impulsive, curious, and never felt completely calmed. There was always something new on her mind, she found it hard to focus. But as much as she felt that the Tanencha and her were opposites, in order to achieve this task, she needed to realize that no, they couldn't be opposites, because, in a way, Tanencha was just a different part of her brain. A semi-disassociated one at that, but nevertheless, a part of it.

Stella would like to say she'd always had a feeling she was special, different, that she was apart of some big plan, but that just wasn't true. Her life never felt exceptional, her parents were killed, like many others, and she became a renegade while young, just to support herself. It gave her money, a job, a purpose, over everything. That purpose was small and simple, but at least she had direction. Stella never felt unsure, like she did now. She doesn't even know if she still has a job, or if they'd ever accept her when she goes back.

And in truth, Stella doesn't think she'd be able to go back with what she's learned. She has the power of a hero, someone that could make real change. But why me? Stella thought. If anyone, why some scrappy teenaged renegade who gets paid poor amounts of money? Why not a person with actual influence, power, and skill. Stella of course knows how to fight and control herself, but someone who has actually trained would be more fit for the job. Tanencha had to have made a mistake.

No-- because that means she would have made a mistake. She and the Tanencha were on in the same, right? And the Tanencha can't have just come along, she has to be chosen for a reason. Stella hopes that it's for a reason. None of this can be random.

But that doesn't mean it's not a mistake, right?

Right. 

Tanencha must have always been the second part of her, must have always been there, somehow. Maybe it wasn't necessarily present, but it had to have always known that she would eventually be one with it, even while Stella didn't know. And if the Tanencha was her, or a part of her, then that also meant she must have known it since forever. Perhaps it wasn't a conscious knowing, but that didn't mean it wasn't a real one.

For the Tanencha, revealing what was beneath the mist before her would be easy. Which meant it had to be easy for Stella too. With the snap of a the finger, the swish of a hand, the clap of a hand, she should be able to do this. But then, why was it so hard? Was Stella still disassociating, just as she had been constantly, or was there something holding her back? Something stopping her from doing what was right.

Could it be the fact that she, Stella Zaid, had no clue if any of this was right? No clue what was going on. No clue who she was, why she was picked? Of course, there was all of that "the chosen one" stuff, but that idea didn't tell her where she was from. It didn't tell her who the flashing faces and people in her memories were. None of it allowed her to really get a grasp of anything. So sure, the Tanencha was apart of her, but the Tanencha was the part of her that knew everything. The part that could piece everything together in a perfect puzzle.

But Stella couldn't. So she focused even harder, trying to. Because perhaps that was what she needed to do. This was her only choice, apart from running into the mist, without knowing what would happen to her. Her eyes shut tight, and her hands squeezed together, thinking, placing the memories in different categories in different pieces.

Names didn't come to her mind, but she didn't need them. Faces, people she recognized, and some she didn't. Faces that unnerved her, faces that consoled her, ones she didn't know what to feel or think about. Scattered memories flowed through her head in lines of light moved from place to place until they settled, and Stella felt like she had some knowledge of what was going on.

Deep breathing, she reminded herself. In, out, in out. That would help her focus even more until every last memory was placed in its respective category. Stella figured that the blast of information wouldn't come immediately, just that she'd have it for reference. And that when she opened her eyes, one with the Tanencha, one with herself, she'd know her path. Physically and mentally.

Another breath. Then two more. Her chest rose and fell, arms going up and down, head nodding as she scrunched up her forehead until almost every last memory was placed and all Stella had to do was open her eyes.

But that seemed to be the scariest part of this all. Apart from not knowing what to do at all. Apart from not knowing who she was. What if this didn't work? She had made plenty of mistakes before, and the outcomes were okay most of the time, but she was unsure of this one. Though small, Stella now had a little bit more pull in the scheme of the universe, and despite all it had taken from her, she still didn't want it to all go down to flames. She lived there too, in the expanding cosmos. It was her home.

And those lasers, whatever they were, were standing in her way of saving the said universe. Or at least helping to save it.

Why am I waiting, Stella thought to herself, just get into it!

Her hands shook as her eyes made their way open, taking in the light around her. She sighed as she took in the scene in front of her, smiling only slightly at what she had created. The mist had cleared toward the sides, and thin blue beams bounced off the sides of the cave wall. Stella took a step inside, rubbing the back of her head, tight curls bouncing. 

Then she took another step. Let's do this, was her final thought as she fully emerged into the cage. This is my only chance to make a difference, and I don't have a choice whether I take it or not.