Stonehearts 10: Tourmaline

One

Putang ina.

Akala ko sa movie lang nangyayari ang mga ganitong bagay. Sa totoong buhay rin pala.

Muli akong napatungga sa baso ng alak na hawak ko. Hindi ko na alam kung anong iniinom ko. Basta alam ko kailangan kong lunurin ang sakit na nararamdaman ko.

I don't know how I managed to get here. Hindi ko nga alam kung anong pangalan nitong bar o pang-ilang bar ko na 'to ngayong  gabing ito.

Another shot for this fucking life of yours, Torie Maylalaine. May all be the misery be with you. I downed one shot of the throat burning poison. But damn, wala atang alak ang makakapagpatigil sa utak kong bumabalik at bumabalik sa nangyari sa dapat isa sa pinakamasayang araw ng buhay ko.

Nanlamig at nanigas ang buong katawan ko nang nagpatuloy na magwala ang babaeng 'yon. She was yammering. She was accusing me of being a home wrecker. She was nudging her pointer at me while she shouted how I robbed her and her unborn child of their future with Evan.

"Mang-aagaw ka! Hayop kang malandi ka!" Her words rang.

Hindi ko kinaya.

My stomach knotted and I can feel acid seeping up my throat. I was horrified beyond relief. The worst part of it all was when I looked at Evan, he seemed guilty, apologetic even.

Sa kaonting sandali na magkatabi kami, hindi niya itinanggi. He even mouth 'sorry'. And that's all it took. I gathered the ends of my gown and ran towards the exit of the church.

Damn, if this was a movie, I'd be fucking proud of my stellar performance the moment I sprinted out of the church.

Out of shock, nobody went after me. Which played to my advantage. Though I was ugly crying, I was able to tell the cab driver the address of our unit – Evan and mine.

I let the driver wait up and told him that I just need to change and get some few stuff and I'll meet him again, leaving my rings as a collateral.

I entered our place like a whirlwind. In between my sobs and anger, I was able to change into my pants and shirt; tearing my gown in the process.

I was also able to grab my purse and some cash on the night stand drawer.

Nagmamadali akong umalis, pero bago ang lahat, binasag ko muna 'yong PS4 na pinakamamahal ng hayop na 'yon saka ako nagmadaling lumayas.

Ngunit pagkababa ko, wala na 'yong taxi. I should feel angry when I realized how stupid I am to leave him with something valuable, but when I remembered how Evan fucking played and used me. Wala na akong pakealam. The driver can sell the rings for all I care. Baka ipakain ko pa 'yon kay Evan kapag nagkita kami ulit.

I hailed another taxi. I wasn't actually thinking straight. I was furious, I feel betrayed, I was hurt. I told the cab driver to take me to a terminal with routes going to the beloved City of Pines.

And that's how I ended here.

With no one, no clothes, no plans, no nothing.

I'm drinking alone, drowning my misery and wishing everyday to be my last day. I feel fucking miserable.

Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang sakit na bumabalot sa puso ko, sa pagkatao ko. I trusted him. I excluded him from the assholes my dad wanted me to date. Kasi akala ko iba siya. Akala ko siya na. Pero deputa, pare-parehas lang pala sila.

Muling umilaw ang phone ko at nag-vibrate. Nakita ko ang pangalan ni Arcie. Kanina niya pa ako tinatawagan; siya at ang pamilya ko, pamilya ni Evan at ang putang inang mangloloko na 'yon.

Fuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! I want to goddamn cut his dick and shove it in his mouth.

Hinintay kong maging missed call ang tawag ng best friend ko saka ko minabuting mag-text sa kanya.

Me: I'm fine, Arcie-bear. I'll be back when I'm ready.

Arcie-bear: Please tell me where you are para masundo kita. I'm worried about you.

Me: I'm fine, Arcie. Please stop stressing yourself, baka mapano ang baby niyo ni Bryce.

Arcie-bear: Please? Just tell me.

Hindi ko natiis. Lumabas muna ako para makaiwas sa maingay na gawa ng tugtugan sa bar. Medyo nahihilo na ako, pero nagpumilit ako dahil kailangan kong tawagan si Arcie. Hindi ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko kapag may nangyari sa kanya at sa future inaanak ko.

"Aly!" I heard her gasping.

"Hey, Arcie-bear. I'm fine. I called so you can hear from my voice that I really am okay."

When I heard her sniffing, I almost give in. "Aly, please tell me where you are, so I can be there for you."

"This is something I have to do myself, Arcie. Tatawagan ulit kita kapag ready na ako. I love you. Take care of yourself, mmkay?"

"Aly. . ."

I closed my eyes, not wanting her to hear my voice breaking. Hindi niya lang alam na gustong-gusto ko rin na damayan niya ako, pero in her state. It's not gonna do her any good.

"Please, put Bryce on the phone."

I heard shuffling before her fiancé's voice graced the line, "Aly. You know she's deadly worried of you. At least tell her where you are and I'm going to make sure that she'll stay here. It hurts me to see her like this. . . lalo na't wala akong magawa para mapasaya siya."

I sighed in defeat. I leaned over a stranger's car and looked at the starry night sky. "Fine. Pero ikaw na magsabi, hindi ko na kayang marinig na umiiyak siya dahil sa'kin." Saka ako napalunok. "Nasa Baguio ako. I think I'll stay here for a while, to sort things out, para mapag-isipan ko na rin ang mga susunod kong gagawin."

There was a pause, "I'm really sorry this has to happen to you, Aly."

I bitterly laughed, the taste of alcohol haunting my mouth.

God, my best friend is in love with such an incredible man. Sobrang bait na kahit hindi niya kasalanan, siya ang nag-so-sorry.

"You don't have to say sorry, Bryce. Wala kang kinalaman dito. All I want you to do is to take care of my best friend and our little imps."

"Of course, I will. Sila nila Sydelle ang priority ko, wala nang iba."

I smiled to myself, feeling a peek of joy for my best friend. But at the same time, the ugly taste of bitterness and jealousy mixing it. "Sige na, I'll have to go. Tell Arcie I love her."

Narinig ko pa ang mahinang pagtanong ni Arcie kay Bryce kung nasaan ako bago ko pinutol ang linya. I trust that man, he earned that before I agreed on giving Arcie to him. Kaya sigurado akong hindi niya papayagan ang best friend kong sundan ako rito.

Binulsa ko ang cellphone ko saka napabuntong-hininga. Kailangan ko pa pala maghanap ng matutulugan, kundi baka sa Burham na ako makatulog nito.

Inilabas ko ang phone ko at nagsimulang maghanap ng murang hotel o kaya Airbnb. Ilang sandali pa lamang ay nag-flash ang pangalan ni Evan.

Muling namuo ang luha ko kasabay ng matinding galit. Sinagot ko pero hindi ko siya hinayaang magsalita.

"Mabulok sana ang titi mo! Gago!"

Saka ko siya pinatayan ng linya. I turned my cellphone off, took my sim card and broke it into two. Akala ko ma-sa-satisfy na ako pero naalala ko na marami kaming litrato ng hayop na 'yon sa phone ko.

Kaya tinapon ko sa dingding 'yon nang paulit-ulit hanggang sa magkawatak-watak. Hindi pa ako nakuntento, tinapak-tapakan ko pa para lang mabawasan ang sakit sa dibdib ko. Hindi ko napansin na umiiyak na pala ako habang ginagawa ko.

"Pagkauwi ko, hindi na kita iiyakan." 'yon ang huling pangako ko sa sarili ko bago ako ulit nilunod ng alak.