Some Things Fall Away (Blue Bloods Fanfiction)

↞ Chapter Eleven ↠

Season Six, Episode Eight

It took a few weeks for me to be able to sleep through the night.

Well, eleven days to be exact.

Jameson was there every night that I woke up in a cold sweat, my breathing forced through an almost collapsed throat. He muttered promises of everything fading, and I believed every single word of it.

I didn't go back to work until the cast was off of my arm, which was two weeks after the nightmares stopped being consistent. I found it easy enough to adjust to working a desk, while I still continued to despise the lack of legwork, I found a sort of normalcy within it. My mind found the consistency pleasant.

Due to requirements from the higher ups, and an ask from both Frank and Jameson, I was talking to someone about what had just happened, and about what had happened all those years ago. It was emotionally draining, and all together something I did not like in any way shape of form. Though I could see the benefit.

When I started working a desk, it was in half shifts, and I never left the precinct alone. Jameson would bring me, and if he was off when I finished he would pick me up as well. When he couldn't, it was Linda, or Erin, or sometimes even Nicki, who loved to get the chance to drive with someone who didn't freak out at every car that passed by.

Either way I was reliant on others, and at first I didn't like it.

I would try to do the bigger things on my own. The first time I attempted to shower without Jameson's help, it was three days after I left the hospital. I briefly lost conscienceless and passed out on the floor of the bathroom. I woke up before anything of concern happened, and waited until Jameson found me before asking for help.

Despite the still healing personal injury, I still needed the work to keep myself sane. Danny was in protest almost the entire time I was away from work, and then again when I came back. It was as if he just wanted to gripe no matter what.

I couldn't see the appeal.

Frank had made sure that there was always something for me to do, a mixture of old cases and new ones that didn't require legwork. I was rather appreciative, but couldn't really complain, I had to find a new rhythm to life, at least until I was fully healed.

It gave me the chance to work on the wedding, I had no idea so much went into the actual planning process. Nicki loved to help, and if she wasn't working on homework, she was keeping me company on the nights when Jameson was working. She was brilliant with colors, and with flower arrangements.

Most of it flew over my head, but I gave opinions when I could.

Frank made sure that I knew I wasn't alone. He called at least twice a week, and we started our tradition of monthly dinners again, though Frank asked for every week. I humored him, but in all honest found comfort in the meals that we went on.

I found myself taking a deep breath rather suddenly, in my dazed state I hadn't noticed the light change, and Jameson suddenly pressing the gas startled me. I tucked my head into the back of the seat, looking across my shoulder at him. Jameson smiled softly at me, looking out of the corner of his eyes as he drove.

"Where's your head?" His voice was just loud enough for me to hear, but not loud enough to startle me.

"Back at home." I said it with a smile, reaching out and taking his hand from the gear shift of the car. He squeezed my hand tightly, before shifting the gear with my hand in his. "I'm so tired darling."

Jameson sighed softly, "Maybe you should just go back home then, get some sleep?"

I didn't want to be alone in the flat. "No, I'll just work for a few hours and then Linda's asked for some help with the boys tonight." It was true, Jack had an essay, Sean needed help with a project for school, and Linda had to cook dinner for tomorrow. It was just a bit much for her to handle perfectly alone, and I offered, as it gave me the chance to avoid being home alone and spend time with my two nephews. "It'll be alright."

"If you're sure." The brakes shudder slightly as Jameson pulled to a stop, "Just call me, if you need me."

It was an offer I would hope to not take him up on, in my mind, I could make it through the day, and call him when I was heading over to Linda's. "I love you Jameson."

I turned in my seat, looking at him with a smile and leaning towards him. He met me halfway, pressing a kiss to my lips softly before patting my waist. "I'll see you tonight."

It was a promise, and I nodded. "I'll see you tonight.

When I stepped out of the car, the wind brushed against my coat in a way that made me feel the ice in my bones. I felt as though I'd never get warm. I tucked my hands into my pockets, shrinking in on myself to conserve body heat as I walked into the precinct. Some part of me chanted that this was how it began, I pushed that away in favor of pushing open the front door instead.

"DI Howards, it's good to see you again!" It was the same greeting every morning from the desk cop, though she always sounded excited to see me, I couldn't help but see the redundancy of her exclamation.

"And you Officer Banks." It was a formality, I didn't know the officer very well.

I made my way into the bullpen, nodding to the officers that I passed by and scanning the room for Danny. He waved at me from his desk, standing and meeting me halfway. "Why are you coming in today? Jamie didn't-"

"I didn't want to be alone at the flat." I interrupted him, and though I felt bad about the interruption, the look that he gave me was one that let me know he was sympathetic to my situation. "It's alright." I waved off his forming apology for my current standing.

I made my way over to my side of the desk cluster, speaking over my shoulder as I did. "I'm helping Linda with dinner in a few hours, and helping the boys with homework." It was an explanation that wasn't necessary.

"That's good." I could tell that Danny wanted to ask about my not wanting to be alone, but I didn't want to answer any questions.

I took a deep breath, before pulling a couple case files to the front of my desk.