Love and Loyalty

Ch. 16- A Wolf's Rage

My cheeks ache from trying to smile all the time and be nice. It's really hard to be nice when I still have the impression that I could snap someone's neck if they so much as look at me wrong. I sigh and run a hand through my hair, feeling like giving up.

Why would my sister even want to see me when she can be up there?

Is my sister even up there?

Could I go up there only to realize that this was all for nothing?

I groan in annoyance and flop backwards on the couch. It has been a couple of weeks since I promised Charlie I would try and those weeks have been, pun intended, hell. Day after day of Charlie scolding me for swearing, Vaggie taking away my alcohol, Charlie volunteering me for kindness tasks I don't want to do.

On top of that everytime I fall asleep more memories assault my dreams. The more I remember the more I grow unsure if my sister would want to see me.

She wouldn't be proud of the person I became.

But the person I became is the person I was meant to be. This goody two shoes person I'm trying to be isn't me.

And Charlie doesn't see it.

I'm doomed to stay here in Hell for the rest of my after life. There is no heaven for people like me.

"I can't do this." I mutter.

"Of course you can."

The voice of Charlie makes me jump. "Oh, I didn't know you were here."

"I noticed you sitting alone and thought you could use the company." Charlie explains.

"Oh thanks, but I'm fine." I dismiss.

"Are you sure? You seemed pretty deep in thought earlier."

"I said I'm fucking fine alright!" I shout.

Charlie's eyes widen with a little bit of hurt and surprise.

"Ah, Charlie, I'm sorry. It's just this whole redemption thing is really hard. I don't know if I can go through with it. I just- can't." I look away.

Charlie takes my hand and rubs it reassuringly, "You can. Everyone here is supporting you."

"You're the only one who knows." I point out.

"Well maybe if you told people, like say Al. Then he can help you out when you feel like giving up."

"Yeah that's never going to happen." I say.

"Just think about it. And keep working hard. You can do it."

"But being nice isn't who I am. I'm not a nice person. I enjoy the power I have. I don't regret the sins I did."

"Anyone can be good. And I don't believe for one moment that you don't at all regret your sins." Charlie says.

"I don't know."

"Just think of your sister. You want to see her again. Right?" When I nod Charlie continues, "Then this is the way to do that. You can get there." Charlie beams one of her over joyus smiles and walks away.

"You're wrong." I mutter under my breath when she's out of ear shot.

I look down at my hands and clench them until blood seeps out from where my claws cut my hand. I release the pressure and watch as my blood collects on my palm.

"I can't do this anymore." I say as I stand. The blood drips down my claws and lands in little spots on the floor.

My shadow appears by my side.