The Lovely Suicide Children

Chapter 51: Headlights

*Trigger Warning! (Like the whole book) Anyways, this is a touchy chapter. I'd understand if anyone felt sad by it, so if you do feel way or it triggers something feel free to message me. Remember my goal isn't to just make this the saddest story ever, but to express true emotions of how these feelings can exist within the people you love or know. Also, I see that a lot of you think this is another story where a girl commits suicide and has no future. I would hate a story to end that way. Let's be more open minded ;)*

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Once the tub was filled, I turned off the water. I didn't undress, just stared at the blade in my hand. I thought about it. I really did. I wanted it, but at the same time, I didn't. The thought of ending everything in that very moment seemed so right. I began to feel angry, thinking about how life was never useful to me in the first place. Thinking about how I had only been poorly treated by the people closest to me. It was sad enough to believe that the only friends I had were Vlad and a dead guy.

Vlad.

I thought about him. In that moment my heart ached. I wish I had my phone to tell him goodbye and that I was sorry. The thought of him brought tears to my eyes. I sat down on at the edge of the tub. If only things could have been different. If only my life could have been better. Perhaps if I had been prettier, smarter, richer then it could have been better. 

"What am I waiting for?" I said to myself. "Just do it."

While contemplating suicide, I realized how hard it was to do. At the moment I felt like it would be my only escape. With the blade there and my heart feeling empty, that was the hardest. Knowing it wouldn't be easier if I DIDN'T do it pained me. But at the same time, not knowing if things would possibly get better killed me too. 

Another war in my mind, like there always had been.

I was going to do. "I'm going to do it," I silently repeated over and over, making my way into the yellow stained tub with my clothes on. 

The water was hot, but I felt cold. I laid back, the water reaching my neck. I lifted up my wrist, knowing exactly where to cut. I held out the blade. "Do it quickly," I whispered. Vlad kept popping up in my head as if that had to be a reason to save myself. It almost worked, but the pain and hurt I felt through my body, the hatred of living I had fought against any hope of me staying. The blade quickly slid across my wrist, but due to nervousness, I missed the right spot. Although, I still bled. A lot. It didn't hurt this time to my surprise. Maybe a little, but not much. I knew this was it. That I was going to do it. There was no turning back. I lifted the blade to my wrist, ready for a deeper cut. 

That was...until I heard Rose scream.

"What is that!" She yelled out.

Bleeding, I quickly ran out of the bathroom. I had slipped on the floor, but regained myself then ran inside of the living room. Inside I saw Rose standing by the door.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

She couldn't answer when she saw me right away. Me bleeding and being soaked with water shocked her.

"A car crashed into the house," she stammered. "When I looked outside, I saw something haunched down, limping out of it."

I wasn't going to let anything hurt Rose. Unafraid, I walked outside. Rose called me, but I told her to stay in the house. Whatever was out there wanted me, and I couldn't put Rose in any more danger. I closed the door behind myself and saw the car that plunged into the side of the house. As always, the moon was my hero, allowing me to see then realize that it was Shayla's car.

"Oh no," I quickly took a step back against the house to look around. If Rose claimed she saw something crawling out of the car, then Shayla was out there.

"Olivia!" Rose yelled from the window. "Get back inside, please!"

I walked over to the window. Rose's eyes widened when she saw my wrist. She looked at me, her eyes almost innocent as the first time we met, except sadder. It's like I never disappointed her, and she never disappointed me. She frowned. "Don't you do this, Olivia!" She yelled.

I gave her a weak smile. "Nothing's going to bother you anymore," I said then ran away from the house. I ran as fast as I could down the street, wanting to lure Shayla away. "Come and get me, Shayla you scumskank!"

My body felt like ice as I ran through the cold. No cars were on the road, and I didn't even feel all the pebbles I was stepping on. I was numb, inside and out. 

Suddenly, lights flashed, but behind me. I stopped then turned around. Shayla's car pulled away from Rose's place and slowly towards me. I began to feel light-headed, both from running and bleeding. My body was slowly shutting down, and I could barely feel my hands. As I stood there, nearly allowing myself to be bait for Shayla's car, I fell to my knees. 

"Mom was right," I whispered to myself. "and I was right. Life wasn't going to treat me any better." I wasn't going to let Shayla make my decision for me though. The same time I grabbed my razor, she slammed the breaks. 

I'm not sure who made a move first, but for a swift second, I felt pain. Then I felt nothing. Nothing at all...