He's My Bodyguard (REWRITING)

(15) I Can't be Your Boyfriend

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Our game continued after we left the building and went to get ice cream on his request. "So truth or dare?" Rayner questioned shoving some ice cream into his mouth. I wasn't really up for another dare so I decided to go with truth again.

"Truth." He looked at me seriously, and I knew his next question was probably something iffy. He looked nervous to ask me, but he did anyway.

"What is your biggest fear?" He asked finally. I took a deep breath, the question wasn't as bad as I thought, but was still difficult to answer. I knew what I was most afraid of and it wasn't something that was exactly "scary."

"My parents' killer never being caught." I admitted softly stirring my ice cream around. He nodded understandingly. "I can't stand thinking they'll never get the justice they deserve." His eyes were kind, and I was glad to be sharing this moment with him.

"You know they will be. That's the way this works." He answered positively, but I still wasn't so sure. People got away with stuff all the time.

"Truth or dare?" I kept the game moving before I could let this conversation get to me. I didn't want to spoil this night by crying.

"Truth." He responded. I hadn't really thought of something to ask so I sat for a minute until I had a question. It was kind of personal, but nothing he couldn't answer.

"What made you choose the job you have?" I really wanted to know why he decided to protect people. He shrugged rolling his bottom lip into his mouth. Surely he had to have some kind of an answer. People don't just choose a career for no reason at all. He was older than me so he must have most of his life figured out.

"I have no idea." He told me honestly, but I still had a hard time believing him. "I just wanted to serve my community. This seemed like a pretty good way to do that. Sometimes I think it would great to just have an office job but I enjoy the rewards of helping people." I smiled he truly was a hero and I admired him for that.

Our truth or dare eventually turned into a game of truth, because we had become more interested in learning about each other. It was his turn and each question was getting more and more personal.

"What really happened that day? You know when your parents were killed?" Rayner asked, he really was testing my limits here, but I could respond. I took a deep breath remembering everything, that day was so vivid in my memory. Forever etched into my skull, I would never forget a single second of it. I could learn to live with it, but I knew I would never be the same.

"I came home from school and my home was destroyed from the break in." I looked into space as I told the story. "I immediately went to dial 911, but three men stopped me before I could. There was one man in particular I remember the most clearly. Those eyes." I shuddered. "They were so cold, heartless, empty. There's no way I could forget them, I dream about his eyes all the time." I winced thinking about the terrible nightmares I had every night. "They wanted what any typical thief would want. Money, jewelry, I would've obliged had they not killed my parents in the next room." I could still hear the shot ringing in my ears and could still remember the way I felt.

"Is that when they... hurt you?" He winced, but he wanted to know every detail. I would leave out the gorey details, but if he really wanted to know I would tell him. I was tired of keeping everything bottled up.

"Yes. He took out a shiny blade, said he'd kill me if I didn't do what he asked. I stood my ground though because I wanted to be strong for my parents. He sliced my face, beat me up pretty good, then the cops came." I took a bite of my ice cream. I didn't really like the way he was looking at me so I directed the attention back to him. "My turn. Why did you kiss me?" His looked slightly regretful for what he'd done and shocked I had asked about it.

"Tori..." He began, but his voice trailed off. I already knew he wished he'd never done it and I kind of wish I hadn't spoken up about it but it was kind of the elephant in the room that I wanted to leave. I hated leaving things unresolved and this was something I felt we needed to talk about.

"Do you regret it?" I asked him, fretting his answer would be yes. His eyes shot back to mine and he grabbed my hand across the table rubbing it gently.

"No!" He shook his head violently. He rocked back and forth with discomfort before speaking again. "Just, I-we." He groaned, unable to say what he was trying to. Why was he so confusing? If he liked me then he should just say it, if he doesn't then he should stop leading me on. I just needed a straight answer from him.

"Do you enjoy messing with me?" I frowned getting up from the table. He grabbed my hand again and pulled me back down trying to calm me down. I did get worked up easily, but he was just so frustrating.

"Will you let me talk?" He pleaded dragging a hang across his face. "Look Tori, I really like you. You are a beautiful girl, anyone would be lucky to have you, I just don't know if I can give you what you want right now. My first priority is you, but you have to understand our situation isn't permanent and my priorities need to be your safety. I am suppose to protect you not be in a relationship with you. I could actually lose my job for this. Then there is also the fact you have to understand that I could be with you one minute then shipped off to go do something else. We never know how much time we have together." I felt stiff after learning this new information.

"I really wish you would have thought about that before." I shook my head in disbelief. Why would he even kiss me knowing this?

"Why can't you just enjoy our time while we can? I'm sorry I kissed you. Or gave you the impression that this was more than what it is." He scratched his chin not looking me in the eyes.

"What is it you're asking of me?" I wasn't following this, he couldn't possibly think that none of this would mean anything to either of us in the long run. He kissed me, you don't just kiss people and not expect them to get attached.

"I want us to be friends." I laughed humorlessly, was he kidding? Friends don't kiss on rooftops and talk for hours in a damn ice cream shop.

"Friends?" He nodded hopefully. He was actually serious, he thought he could kiss me and pretend it never happened.

"I can't be your boyfriend, for obvious reasons." He explained further, but was not helping his case any. I was still not happy with where this conversation had turned. We had so much fun, and now everything was spoiled. My mood had gone foul.

"Right your job." He rolled his eyes picking up on my obvious irritation. I was bitter, but I had a reason to be, he had just kissed me then told me we could never be anything.

"Let's not forget what brought us together in the first place, my job." I nodded in understanding. "You don't know how much I wish I'd met you outside of this situation." I smiled softly, I wished the exact same thing.

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