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Part Four: Denim Jacket (Ava)

I think the day Michael Lao broke my heart, I was wearing a denim jacket.

Or maybe it was leather.

I've thought about that day so many times over and over again that it's blurred into a mess of a memory and more of a stain on my brain.

It was raining. Like really hard.

I waited in our usual spot, the spot of our first collision, earlier than usual. Rain meant track practice was canceled.

Bumping into Michael the first time was the first and last time I decided to ever fall in love. But falling in love wasn't the right phrase. Let myself fall, the pretense of falling in love.

Some nights, I replayed our first meeting as if we were in a movie.

He had long black hair tied into a man bun, an easy smile, and maple brown eyes that peered into my soul. Michael was tall, way taller than me. Most of the track boys wore t-shirts with our school logo plastered on the front, but he wore old band t-shirts with bleach holes.

It's crazy to think of how one collision with a boy I barely knew would turn my life upside down.

All the other track boys passed by me, their sneakers squeaking against the linoleum floor.

"Can't believe it started pouring, I had one lap to go." Harris Brown sighed to Everett Smith.

Everett laughed. "I'm grateful, coach was gonna make me do sprints."

I fiddled with my camera. For some reason, I felt nervous, as if my heart knew it was going to get broken before my brain did.

"Hey, Ava!" Everett waved. "Is it yearbook season already?"

I raised the camera to my eye and snapped a quick photo. "It's always yearbook season, Smith."

He laughed and walked by. Clicking a few buttons, I looked at the photo I just took to pass time. My heart froze. Michael was in the background, smiling with that same crooked smile I mentally decided was reserved for me.

I looked up, he was towering above me.

"Ava." He smiled.

It always took a few seconds for him to warm up. 

"Michael." I smiled back. "You look especially damp today."

He pulled his man bun out and shook his hair, shaking water on me like a wet dog.

I covered my face with my hands. "Don't get your sweat on me!"

He laughed and tied his hair back up. "Pretty sure the rain gave me a shower. What are you doing here?"

I held my camera up as an excuse. "I'm always here, Michael."

He tapped on my camera. "Yeah, but I usually run into you at five. It's three."

I felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach. Did he think our daily run-ins weren't intentional? Did he not look forward to it as much as I did?

"Don't get me wrong." He said, walking towards the school parking lot. "I appreciate our little run-ins. Just didn't think I would see you today."

I walked beside him, but he was hard to keep up with. His legs were so much longer than mine.

"Ha I knew it, you appreciate me." I stuck my tongue out.

He laughed again, that deep genuine laugh I loved to sneak out of him. I snuck a peek at him, he was blushing.

"Since practice got out early." I said. "Wanna get food?"

Michael rubbed the back of his neck. "What day is it?"

"October 4th." I answered.

He stopped in his tracks.

"I can't today." He said, his tone shifting from playful to solemn in a millisecond.

Did someone die?

I laughed it off. "Another time. A rain check to the rain check."

We were a couple feet away from the exit. Michael paused in front of the door. The storm had passed, sunlight peeked through the clouds, casting a glow on him.

In the light, his dark hair had hues of red and brown.

"I totally would, but my mom kinda has something set up for me later." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Like a date?" I joked.

"Kinda."

The floor fell below me, the glow that cast on him disappeared. 

He couldn't go on a date with me because he already had one.

"With who?" I asked, trying to keep my tone light.

He sighed, digging in his bag for his car keys. "Her friend from church has a daughter she wants to introduce me to. It's an Asian parent thing." He checked his phone. "I gotta go, Ava. But next time, let's do something!"

My throat felt dry, my feet were rooted to the ground. He waved goodbye and I watched as he walked to his car.

I think I was wearing denim.

On the walk home, the rain drenched my jacket and made my heavy heart feel even heavier.

That night, I decided to never let myself fall into the premonition of love ever again. Or wear that stupid denim jacket.

But the picture I took of Everett and Michael was still pinned on my wall. 

I told myself it was a reminder of what I promised myself.