Trying to live

Chapter 27

I was losing my path again? What path? Like seriously? 

I never had a path to begin with. I wasn't even going with the flow. I was just existing and of course I had probably the reins of my life in my hand but as in yet now I didn't. I could change everything but I was still a coward.

I was scared of what would come if I told the truth about my past, about why I did what I did. Maybe someone would understand me and my dilemma, but the majority would probably blame me and hate me more. They would resent me not that they didn't now. 

But the difference was I wanted them to resent me so I did everything that caused hatred in everyone's heart. My past ...well is another thing. I feared the resentment, the loathing and hating. 

I could live with how I was right now if everyone else lived their lives. And it wasn't like anyone cared about me or my wellbeing except Grams.

I walked out and met Mrs. Sarrow's stare with a glare as I left through her connected office. I thought I wouldn't me mad but I was.

It bugged me that I already had so much to do - stupid Henry, my stupid ex as my tutor, then join F.T.A and on top of that now had to visit the school counselor.

I hated the last school counselor not the person but like she didn't help me. If I hadn't told my truth to anyone close to me, why would I tell some stranger?

My last school counselor probably dreaded my visits as much as I did. The new counselor would be like that too.

The only thing that kept me from throwing something was that my graduation was my top priority.

I rounded the corner and nearly bumped into someone. Not to mention I made a squeaky sound and flailed my hands theatrically in the face of the stranger and mine. 

I looked up and met Henry's green eyes.

"Hey," he said.

"What are you doing here?" I asked confused.

He shrugged. "Thought I'd wait for you."

I let an exasperated sigh out. "Seriously? What if someone sees us together?"

"So?"

"I don't need more rumors or gossip than I already have on my head," I said. He was the brightest student? He looked dense to me.

"Our next lesson is together."

I stopped and looked him dead in the eye. "But we don't go to our classes together. You literally don't talk to me and you pretend like I don't exist. Everyone might think I hypnotized you."

"Maybe you did," Henry said and winked at me. What the hell?

"Very funny."

"Well, that's what they say about me."

I snorted. "Who? With 'they' you mean your girlfriend? Bet she can't say you're boring."

Henry glared at me but didn't say anything. He continued to walk. I didn't want to go with him, so I had to find a distraction.

Of course, it wasn't a big deal....no it was definitely a big deal. Us two together walking to class? A big deal. 

When Henry noticed I wasn't following, he literally scowled at me. "Let's go."

I didn't move. "I ... you can go. I need something from my locker."

I hurried away without waiting for his answer.

************

Two minutes later I realized my mistake when I heard a voice next to me.

"Well, that was very eventful back there in Richardson's office."