The Last Black Unicorn

Chapter Two: Well, Princess, We're Screwed Now

There are plenty of more harrowing situations to be a part of, like. . . I could be on one of those crime shows my dad used to watch. Yeah, well, my corpse could at least make a cameo, and the cause of my death.

No, my brutal slaying!

My lover would be responsible for my murder because he's the one who stabbed me to death with an eyebrow pencil. His motive; I wouldn't pass the "damn rose pink lipstick." The best part is the name a room full of writers would call our tragic love: A Crime of Glitz and Glamour.

I raise my left eyebrow, resisting the urge to jump out of Lexie's moving car onto the hard pavement. I'm aware this little idea will definitely leave gnarly bruises scattered across my body and might even shorten my life. But I'm going freaking mental with each conceited breath Roxane inhales, and have I mentioned that her existence drives me insane.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhh!

I must've tuned her out three times now, and in each fantasy, I imagine Brandon either stabbing me to death or drawing my eyebrows on perfectly. I'm not exactly a fan of spicy Brandon or the brain cells I'm losing just by sitting next to Roxane. No, seriously, I can feel my brain dwindling into absolute nothingness.

Oh shit, I think I forgot my name.

"Seriously, Atomics, a crime of glitz and glamour, would totally be the shit." Roxane squeals.

I don't believe the galaxy could write anything worse than the nonsense spewing out of Roxane's mouth. After all, the first thing to know about Alexis and her brigade of girlfriends has to be how Roxie aspires to be a fashion journalist this week. Not that anyone would applaud her endeavors, she can't even write to save her stuck-up chihuahua.

Honestly, I think it's cool Roxane is always trying to succeed at something different, I wish she would skip ahead to next week's new obsession. But if anyone is crazy enough to upset her, they'll see Princess bearing her full smile. No kind of misery on earth can compare to getting bit on the ass by a service dog on the same day as a pop quiz.

"I would kill a bitch for my lipstick." Sienna chimes in with her thick Chicago accent.

Lexie rolls her eyes in the rearview mirror. "Of course you would, Sienna; you girls lack imagination."

"I wouldn't kill her," Lexie clicks her tongue, gripping the steering wheel as she swerves into the school parking lot. "I'd help her do her makeup."

"How is doing her makeup getting even?!" We all ask simultaneously.

You know I'm bored when I combine my whole intellect with the likes of Baby Looney Tunes.

I roll my eyes, gripping the door handle, daring myself to splatter across the pavement. Chloe sees this and yanks my hand away from the door. Then she whispers with a deadly grimace, "If I can't leave, then no one can."

Because of my desperation, I do what any self-respecting person would do. I blow my brains out with my handgun and fake collapse for attention. Princess licks my cheek; a smirk forms on Chloe's lips as Sienna scrunches her face in disgust.

"One word," Lexie draws out, driving into her usual parking spot. "parabens."

"Oh my god, I have to add this to my script." Roxane steps outside the car, scrimmaging inside her bookbag.

Chloe stays silent, looking up from her cup of coffee with her signature glare. "Fuck this; the next time I'm riding the damn short bus." She scoffs between sips of her coffee, earning an eye roll from her friends as she storms outside the car into the parking lot.

"Yeah, you lost me, Lex!" Sienna finally laughs.

"Some studies show a link between parabens and cancer." Lexie walks outside, standing in front of her car.