him | jolinsky (v slow updates)

six

johnson

I couldn't even bring myself to meet my own fans at this point. I was petrified to walk from our car into our hotel. Not petrified of our fans but particularly their words that they would say to me.

Like how Gilinsky is better off without me, which is the most common one they use against me.

"I don't want to, G." I mutter to the boy sitting next to me.

He sighed. "It's okay, they're are fans."

I bit my lip because how can you tell your best friend that you don't want to meet your own fans but some of them out there have told him to kill himself?

If meeting fans made Gilinsky happy, I didn't want to take that away from him.

"Can I just go inside and you can meet them?"

"Jack, you used to love meeting fans. What happened?"

They started to tell me to kill myself and saying I don't deserve to live or have you.

"I just don't feel the best today." I mutter, heart dropping out of my chest once I realized how close we were to the hotel.

Jack sighed as he realized he wasn't going to win this fight against me. "Okay, I will let you this one time. I'll tell everyone while you check us in, okay?"

"Thank you." I sigh, completely relieved that I had managed to dodge a lot of bullets there.

The driver stopped the car a few moments after our conversation. Security guards opened my door and gripped me by the elbow. The security guards and I waited for Gilinsky to round the car and meet us.

The girls, no, our fans, were obnoxiously screaming their heads off and I felt the headache rise. I resisted the urge to harshly massage my temples.

Don't make any eye contact was rule number one in my book on how to ignore people.

The other security guard placed a hand on Jack's back and guided him towards the barricaded walkway and into the hotel. I trailed behind him.

The fans were still screaming and I'm confused on why they're screaming? Maybe because I find that's it's annoying and unnecessary and that it gets under my skin and that's why I overthink their actions.

* *

I was up to our hotel room before Jack was and I handed the security guard the extra key to take back down to Gilinsky.

I closed the door and sank down the wall, allowing my back to painfully get scratched.

"Fuck," I sobbed.

I gripped the floor and swallowed back tears. I pulled out my phone to tweet an apology.

@JackJackJohnson: I'm sorry to all of the fans outside. I can't meet you bc I'm not feeling good. Love you all!

Not like they care. The voice inside my head crawled itself into the front of my brain. Don't be so silly with yourself; they don't care.

I ignored the voice for once and tweeted it before I typed my name into the search bar.

Do it. See for yourself how much they don't care. The harsh whisper of the voice give me goosebumps.

I hesitantly clicked to search and my heart dropped when I realized that some of my fans actually do hate me.

@ineednashgrier: Jack Johnson is so overrated. He needs to educate himself and G should leave him bc he's worthless.

@camerondallasismybf: Jack Johnson is so fucking pathetic can he just please kill himself.

@gilinskysfuxkboy: Jack Johnson is honestly dragging Gilinsky down tbh can he not ruin other peoples career.

I closed Twitter and it sucks that I wanted to rip my own skin open right now just to feel pain. Just to know that I'm alive.

I finally allowed myself to full on sob. This wasn't the cry that you did when your dog died, this is a sob you would do if you were dying.

I died inside, if that counts.

I cried so hard I couldn't breathe and when I was gasping for air I just cried harder.

The door opened and Gilinsky slammed it shut as he ran over to me.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt? Why are you crying?"

Everything. Everywhere. People.

"Why do people hate me?" I gasped in between sobs, moving back from Jacks outstretched arm.

"Nobody hates you..." was all he said.

I backed up further when he kept moving toward me. "That's a lie. I'm tired of this bullshit and I'm tired of..."

I wasn't with Sam, I couldn't just say shit like 'I'm tired of living' and not expect Jack to freak out.

"...trying to make people happy when I clearly can't. I'm tired of trying."

Jack finally snatched my wrist and yanked me into his body. He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, his long fingers rubbing over my back.

I hiccuped as I realized I stopped sobbing a while ago, and slung my arms lazily around his neck as I brought myself to my tipped to be able to.

"I think you're amazing and I think you deserve to be here with me because I wouldn't want to do this with anybody else. Just you."

"Just me?" I whispered.

"Just you."

I felt happy for once until the demons in my head told me different.

He's lying, don't be dumb. He doesn't care either.

I faked a smile as I pulled back from the hug, and tried to look happy. Would he really lie to me?

"Thank you."

The two word sentence was the only thing my brain could come up with which was pathetic.

But hey, I am always pathetic, right?

* *

authors note:

this tore my heart up

it's currently 6 am and i have been writing this since 5:20 so yeah

idk why i was up but maybe it's my own thoughts telling me im worthless

yeah i should really try to sleep.

ok i love u all