make you miss me • q. hughes

38

I don't have to get up for another ten minutes. Thank god I don't have to get up for another ten minutes. Quinn looks so peaceful in my bed. So— What's the word? Perfect? I don't know. Could be perfect. What do I know about perfection? I'm only ever chasing it, never getting it.

He shifts slightly. A piece of hair falls right to where it'll probably poke him in the eye when he wakes up. I can't have that happen. Something so peaceful getting immediately wronged would be terrible. My hand reaches over the space between us. Not that there's much. I brush the stray hair back into place.

It feels off to leave the touch there alone. Maybe it's the way the faint light through the blinds that didn't get closed quite all the way hitting his face. I don't know. The shadows highlighting his features have some magical effect. Maybe it's the fact that right now he's mine. In my bed. No one else's.

My middle finger traces his hairline in what I have to believe is the most gentle touch of my life. I ghost over the bridge of his nose and down to the tip. Over that arch his nose has to it. Another slight shift from him has me hesitating. Waiting, honestly, for the coast to be clear. When he seems to be settled, my finger traces the outline of his lips. I wish he would wake up so I could kiss him. He's so peaceful though.

He hums when my touch glides down his jaw. "Good morning."

"Sorry," I whisper. I'm not sorry.

"C'mere."

"Can't," I say while doing the opposite of what he wants. Moving back to get up. "Have to run."

"Hm? From me?" He reaches for me without even opening his eyes.

I dodge his hand and get up. "Quinny, I have to go for my run. It's almost five."

"Let me come with."

"You still want to sleep," I say.

"Wanna be with you," he mumbles. Slowly but surely, he opens his eyes with the laziest of smiles. "Give me a few and I'll come with."

"Only if you can keep up, babe."

He laughs. "I'll keep up."

Checking the time, I sigh. It'd be a pretty sudden change to my routine to include another person in my run. That's a simple fact. He wants to be with me though. He can be. If I let him.

"I swear I'll keep up," he says.

My eyes trace over his face this time. "You better be ready to go in ten minutes. I'll leave without you."

"I won't interfere with your schedule. Just want to join in on it."

* * * * *

Technically the only reason Quinn was over at my place to stay the night was because I was planning to spill my guts to him. The day I got back to Van was the same day he'd be leaving for a few days. The moment he was back I texted him to come over. I was gonna do it. I was gonna tell him I'm all in or all out.

I didn't. I chickened out. Not sure how. Not sure why. The words were on the tip of my tongue and then... Poof! Gone. He laughed at something I said and the next moment I couldn't do it anymore. I didn't even know how I could.

Now he's in my kitchen cooking some goddamn breakfast before we both have to leave. After going on my run with me. I'm making us both coffee. I have to do the thing. I can't stomach not doing it.

"Here you go," I say, setting what was supposed to be a replacement for my favorite mug I broke down next to the stove. It didn't even compete with my favorite mug. Quinn always uses it when he's over. Even for water.