THERAPY

12 | misunderstood

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m i s u n d e r s t o o d

LUNE

↣ MY EYES ROLLED up toward the back of my head.

     Colors bloomed behind my eyelids: yellow, blue, oh! Green, then purple, it would've been a fun guessing game to name the next one. Or maybe even predict which hue was next, maybe if an ache didn't blossom with each flower of color. Tension cinched around my head, squeezing mercilessly at my temples. Talking to Mama and Dad made me feel unbelievingly better, like I was crapping rainbows out of — where the sun doesn't shine.

     But I could barely suppress a scowl ripping at my lips, the sun beaming into my eyes as I opened them. The searing rays only made the pounding in my head worse. It was hotter than Satan's morning breath but we were still standing under the big unforgiving ball of fire. And the painkillers I'd taken earlier only made the hot flashes worse. My shirt was damp and not even the slight breeze that passed like tumbleweed cooled it against my chest.

     Atlas stepped further up the path and we followed closely behind. He even brought a few other adults along, including Marge. She smiled at me as we walked before I tripped over my shoelace that kept coming undone, cursing in my head for the eighth time since we arrived — maybe? — ten minutes ago. I didn't even bother to tie them anymore. I mean, sure I could've ended up tripping again. But it wasn't like the rocks didn't run enough of that risk.

     A few more minutes passed, and then we stopped. Atlas gazed around appreciatively, us naturally following after. Somehow, it all looked— there wasn't a word to describe it. The sight wasn't something that immediately struck me as beautiful. It was something I could pass by without a second thought, that I could think was ordinary on any given day. It was something I would've never stopped to appreciate if not for now, and I would've never felt guilty for it because I wouldn't have known.

     Maybe it was the awe of seeing something so much more, so much bigger than me. The heated air warped my vision of the sun, ascending above us all. Rocks were littered across the park, hues of the burnt sun — a lemony orange in the sky with brown sugar settled over the ground. I could remember Nailani, 'This is what you'll miss out on if you're afraid of everything— this and more.'

     Something welled up in my chest, something that tickled. It was uncomfortable and it was stuffy, and I could only get rid of it with a sigh. A sigh that made my nose sting and my eyes water. A whisper of wind slid into the wave of heat around us. It brushed its lips along my skin, goosebumps rising in its wake. How loving nature was to me, how forgiving it'd been to someone who took advantage of it — like it would last forever.

          "This," he paused to enjoy the scene with a big smile before turning around. "—is Flagstaff, everyone."

     Femi was breathing heavy, chest rising and falling noticeably. She ran her hand across her forehead, exhaling with her eyes closed. Her eyes opened, swirls of warm, dark coffee staring back at me.

We shared a smile.

     Both of us were swimming in our own sweat, hair frazzled like curly birds' nests, and standing in what felt like the world's personal furnace. I giggled breathlessly, turning back to Atlas. He unzipped his hiking backpack, slinging it around to his front. He stepped toward us, and I shifted the weight on my feet while squinting against the bright sun.