𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫 | 𝐭. 𝐳𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐬

chapter 45

to my dearest tori,

hopefully by the time you are reading this, you are either on the plane or back in canada. knowing how i am, i would like to apologize for how i acted on the drive over to the airport. i know i probably drove you insane with how quiet i was, which we both are aware never happens ever. there are just so many feelings and emotions that i couldn't quite express in words. i also didn't want to overwhelm you in any way. before you start to think the worst thing possible, no, i am not breaking up with you. i would never in a million years want to do that. instead, this letter is going to tell the story of what was going through my mind, all the things i couldn't say or don't know how to express quite yet.

this summer took me by surprise. i had never imagined that i was going to wind up with a girlfriend by the end of summer. and never did i think that girl was going to be my best friend's childhood friend. yet here we are. for awhile i was in denial that i had feelings for you. every single one of the guys saw right through me, well except for luke. i remember being so jealous and hurt that you took cole with you to the beach that one morning. i remember making excuses as to why i felt that way, but now i can look back and realize it was because i liked you.

you are by the far the most beautiful girl i have ever laid eyes on you. your personality lights up a room and radiates so much joy. even though you can be super sarcastic and put up a fight, i would never change any of it. you are perfect to me. i love all the little things you do. every single detail.

i know i have never said any of these things to you in person. i really wish i did. you just make me so damn nervous that i get scared. i'm absolutely terrified of the way that i feel for you. i have never felt like this before and it's all new and foreign to me. which is why i didn't say those three words back. if i'm being honest i didn't know if you just said it because you were drunk or if i had heard you incorrectly. i really thought i was imagining things. but now i know that you did mean it. wise quinn once said, "drunk words are sober thoughts." i'm an absolute idiot and i'm not afraid to admit that.

i'm sorry that i didn't say it back. i know it killed you. so i want to make it up to you. i know writing it down in a letter isn't going to make up for it, but i still want to say it. i love you, tori. i love you with my whole heart. i want to scream it from the rooftops that i'm in love with victoria monroe. you turned what could have been a cruel summer into one that i'll always wish i could go back to. from our amazing picnic date to that time we were driving around on the golf cart together, i'm going to replay all those memories. you just mean so much to me and i would hate myself if i lost you. if you accept my apology, i would love it if i could say all these things to you over facetime. i'll be waiting anxiously for your call.

i love you,
your boyfriend

(p.s. i miss you and you haven't even left yet)