RESOLVE

Chapter Thirty Three

~Somi's POV~

The past month had been undeniably traumatising, that even the knowledge that justice has been served to my late mom offered me little solace. Despite the circumstances, Adams had been an unwavering source of support, taking the lead in shedding light on the entire ordeal. In contrast, all I could do was wallow in self-pity. I found myself withdrawing from him, plagued by the perception that I had become a burden in his life, constantly burdening him with my problems.

Lying on the bed, I felt my body ache in every fibre, exhausted to the core. I had accomplished little work yesterday with house agents showing me shitty Lagos houses bearing ridiculous amounts and today, and the weariness permeated every inch of my being. It seemed as though I was destined to be confined to this bed again, cut off from the world and trapped in my thoughts.

"Somi," Sarima called, concerned. "I thought you had a contract with Madam B today?"

"I had to call in sick."

"Hmm." She sighed, placing her hand on my forehead. "You're burning!"

"I told you na, I feel horrible. I don't know where all of it is coming from. I don't think I've been at up to seventy percent alertness this week." I explained. "Where's Homa?" I asked

"What do you want her to do for you, I'll do it?"

"To get me some drugs from that pharmacy."

"I don't think you should self-medicate. What if it's not malaria?"

"As in what now?"

"The pad you bought last month is still in the drawer..."

"Sarima abeg stop all these dramas. Have you not ever had your period delayed? Were you pregnant?"

"I'm going to buy a test kit. There's no harm in being sure." She said and soon enough she was out of the house.

What is the probability of getting pregnant the first time you have sex with somebody? Malaria is what Sarima wants to diagnose as pregnancy.

God forbid.

The thought of it forced me up from the bed to the mirror. I pull my top up to scan the shape of my tummy from the front and side angles. It looks flatter than normal because I haven't had an appetite for any food.

What if I'm pregnant? God forbid one hundred times.

God please.

I promise I won't do it again, please let it not just be pregnancy in Jesus name.

Amen.

As the possibility of having a stranger in my uterus becomes more plausible the feelings of fatigue are replaced by dread.

God please.

I hear Sarima coming in and I instinctively cup my mouth with my hands.

"You've stood up?" She asked. "Good. See the kit. Just go and pee on it so we'll see. I bought two in case we need to be very sure."

"I'm not pregnant, Sarima." I say almost pleading.

"Pee first, don't worry." She said, assuring me.

I walk gradually, unenthusiastically towards the bathroom. I sit for some minutes until I'm ready to pee, then I bring the strip in contact with the stream of pee, allowing it to drench fully.

"Are you done?" Sarima asked, standing at the toilet door.

"Waiting for the three minutes." I replied.