Complications (MxM)

Struggling is Pointless (5)

•TW•

"Go on?" Micah didn't like the way Blake's voice sounded, or how his face twisted, clearly expecting the worst.

Micah's throat felt dry, not wanting to really have this conversation but knowing that it's necessary. If for nothing else, then truths sake.

"There's some things about me that..." He trailed off, taking a step away from Blake and leaning back onto the fridge, "... that you just don't know yet." Blake's eyebrow's furrowed, a frown taking his face.

"Well, spit it out then." Micah was surprised that Blake already seemed angry, impatient almost. Even if fear tried to hide itself in the back of his green eyes, Micah could still see it. He pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a deep breath.

"You're my final mate. I've met everyone else already. The first one, just like you, I met on my 18th birthday. But she left me. While we were together, before we accepted each other, she found her next mate and left me for him. I don't even know how long she was seeing him behind my back. But after losing my father, her leaving me just had me feeling..." He paused again, running his hand through his hair, his discomfort seeping into the atmosphere. Blake was picking at his fingers, listening intently, trying his best to hold Micah's gaze as he spoke. "Betrayed, I guess? It's not like she was cheating on me, but it still felt that way."

"What does this have to do with anything? I don't understand." Blake couldn't bear the anxiety pooling in his chest or the look on Micah's face. You could still see the hurt in his eyes, darkening his blue orbs.

"Well, after she left me, I hit a low point. I felt unlovable. She had two options, and I wasn't her first choice. I told you about Axel, my Beta? After my father died, his family took me in. Axel was there to console me after what happened. That's when it started." Micah broke his gaze from Blake, a sudden feeling of shame itching at the corners of his calm facade.

"When what started?" Blake looked confused and it was clear to see that made him uncomfortable. He didn't know what to think so he didn't know how to feel.

"When we started sleeping together." Micah rushed the words out, nearly tripping over them. Bracing himself for how Blake would respond.

He didn't though, just sitting on the counter toying with his hands in his lap, his head hung as he waited for Micah to continue.

Micah took in a deep breath, trying to keep his resolve before saying,

"I didn't meet my next mate until over a year later. Axel and I immediately stopped seeing each other in secret, out of respect for my mate at the time. We had only known each other a few days before he passed away, he crashed his motorcycle. I didn't know him long but... sometimes I still think of him and what we could've been." Micah had to stop, feeling his demeanor start to falter, blinking away the tears threatening to cloud his eyes. Blake still hadn't responded, just kept looking down in his lap and fidgeting with the hem of his sleeve.

"It took a while, but Axel helped me through that too. He's always been there for me, he's my best friend." Micah had a smile on his face, but somehow that made him feel guilty, so he let his lips drop before continuing, "I didn't meet my next mate until after my 21st birthday." There was a grimace on Micah's face now, an almost bitter taste in his mouth as he recalled, "He was horrible. Rude, messy, totally inconsiderate. Axel and I joked how the Moon Goddess must've gotten something wrong, fating me to someone like that. Despite our bond, I just never felt a real connection to him so after a month or so of trying to make it work, I rejected him."

Micah dropped his head in shame, bringing his hand up to bite at his thumb before revealing,

"Axel and I didn't stop seeing each other that time. I continued sleeping with him, behind my mates back..." Micah stopped, pinching the bridge of his nose. He would rather Blake just say something, instead of sitting there silently and avoiding his gaze.