°•The Night I Lost Us•°

-°Deep Orange Sunsets°-

-TOYA POV-

I drag my body through the door of my house.

"I'm home, father."

......
No response
I guess he's out today with Mother.
I make my way up to my room, dragging my feet through the empty hallways.

As soon as I got to my room, I collapsed onto my bed. I'm so exhausted, and I didn't even do anything today.
How worthless am I?
I can't even function anymore ever since I lost Akito.

Why?
I feel like I'm making myself the victim, even though it's all my fault.
We made a promise.
And I broke it.
Like an idiot.

That's all I'm good for.
Raising the bar just for it to come crashing down again.

I sighed.
What am I doing?
How do I feel?

.......
I feel so empty.
I haven't talked to anyone since we fought. Except my parents.

My fingers are still purple and red from my instruments.
I'm becoming weaker.
I used to tolerate more than this.

I'm not enough yet.
I need to play that concerto again.
It needs to be perfect.

I practiced for what felt like hours but it was only a mere 30 minutes.
I slammed my hands on the keys no matter what type of mistake I made.
Tuning,
Timing,
Rhythm,
Wrong keys.

What am I doing?
Why am I so bad at this?
This used to be all i was good for.
But now, I can't even do this?
..........

I'm a good for nothing.
I've never been able to do anything except run away.
From classical music.
From my father.
From Vivid BAD SQUAD.
From my friends.
From....Akito.

Even a fragment of thought about him brings tears to my eyes.

Droplets of salty water pricked at my eyes, finally spilling as I looked down at my hands.

I rested my head in my hands, then let the waterworks begin.

At the piano.
What would father think if he saw this?
His youngest son crying over an instrument.

How weak.....how pitiful.

He wouldn't feel an inch of sympathy for me.
And I can't feel sympathy for myself.

What's the point of it?
What's the point of living?

To impress others?
Is that all?

.........

I made my way to my bed again, lying down on it.
My mattress was soft.
I was practically sinking into it.