𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞

18|Noah

"Yeah, alright, I'll get it done," I spoke while Kai was talking to me. We both discussed the last meeting we had here in Canada before we left. I didn't even realize how this time passed here; I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. Being here with Hope wasn't as bad as I thought it would turn out; she is, let's just say, sometimes tolerable.

"God, Noah, snap out of it," I heard Kai speak, getting me out of my thoughts. "What? I was listening to you," I replied, trying to sound normal, but I knew he would catch it anyhow.

"Listening to me?" he continued, "What was I saying like a minute back then? If you tell me that, I'll buy it." Damn, he knows me too well, and this will get me in trouble one way or the other.

"Can you not, Kai?" I tried to avoid his question, but I knew he would just let it be. How dumb of me to call him out like this; the guy has a photographic memory and an IQ of 150, so the last thing I expect is for him to accept my lies.

"Hope, isn't it?" I hated how much he was right. I couldn't get her out of my head from the time I saw her, and now nearly one month has passed. "Yes," I replied. I knew it was no use lying to him; he would catch me lying again.

"Say it to her, Noah. How long will you both just shut up about this?" he spoke. Say what to her? Do I even know what in the world is up with my head? I didn't ever want to fall in love, or even the thought of it seemed useless. I didn't want history to repeat all over again.

"Noah, listen. I know you are still stuck in your past, but take your time, think, and then go ahead and say it to her. You were a 17-year-old kid back then stop blaming yourself like this every single day.

Don't hold it inside for too long, or you will regret it in the future, I am sure. Hope is a nice girl, and I know you both will get along well. If you both keep your egos aside, then it will be possible. Not like this," he continued. "Noah, let go of the past, please. I know it will hurt, but keeping a broken mirror and expecting it to not hurt you is dumb. Rest once you figure out what you want. I hope your birthday is coming up, and yours too help you," he spoke while sipping on his coffee.

I couldn't get it straight. I didn't know what it was. Do I love her, or is it just rubbishness? I didn't want to fall in love or even think about it. I knew it deep down; I knew Kai was right. I am still stuck with the past, and damn right I was. I didn't want the past to repeat all over again. I didn't want to be broken again because of loving someone.

I just didn't want to lose hope because I knew the people I love always die, so it wasn't of any use to love anyone ever again. I opened my phone and scrolled through the pictures. I found it. I found one picture that was enough to make me cry for hours.

I hated my birthday, not because of some random reason, but because I lost her. I lost the girl I loved so much on my birthday. My birthday was nothing less than a curse for me all these years.

I still remember that day perfectly, like it just happened, even though it has been six years. I can't ever forget her, and I don't think I ever will. I don't know how I ever intended to let hope mean this much to me, but it did. She means a lot to me.

"If only I had never wanted to leave from the other side, would she still be here? Would she still be with me?

∞

"Rachel, calm down," I called her name again, but she was too busy jumping and giggling near the beach. I never wanted this moment to stop; I never wanted her to stop smiling and laughing this way.

"Love, come on, we are getting late. We both have to arrive on time for the party," I urged. If it wasn't for the party, I would have never stopped her, but tomorrow was my birthday, and we had to arrive on time. It was already past 11 pm, and I didn't want Christian to get on my nerves again.