LOVING BEYOND LIMITS - loving me will give you pain....

CH-14 Alone in the... darkness ~

- Purnima POV -

I always wanted someone who could understand me - when i was wrong, when i was crying, when i was hurted, when i felt suffocated, when i could not able to speak up, when i felt broken and tired.

No matter how many peoples i met throughout the day - family members, siblings, friends, best friends. But at the end of the day i only had this one person.... and it was me; myself.., standing against my inner emotions. No one was there to understand me, to feel the emotions i felt everyday that suffocated me even in this calm and peaceful nights.

They only came when they needed something from me or when they had to share their life's problems and issues with me... and as their work was done they ignored me like i was invisible for them and most importantly was that, they do not had a single minute for me to listen about my issues and problems.

In this world full of selfish and ungrateful peoples. i only wanted someone who could understand - the pain behinds my tears, the suffocation when i could not able to fall asleep at nights, the thousands of untold words behind my silence, the hurt behind my anger, the uneasiness behind my unusual behaviors, the fear i carried behind my blissful smile, the scars hidden behind my happy face.

But no!!! It does not matter for anyone, no one cares even if i died. Cause all they will say was... " she had all of us why would she even feel lonely."

The thing that they failed to understand was, i may had every of them around me but no one had that little interest or the intention to know what i had been through in my life from all these years.

Sometimes this peaceful night also become a torturous night for me, a silent torture from which i could not even escape. No matter how hard i tried but ended up crying the whole night.

Indeed nights were soo calmed and peaceful but this nights also carries my most deepest, darkest and painful memories of the past.

...those taunts, those mistakes, those unforgettable memories, those sacrifices, those insults, those heart- breaks, those hurts, those pains, those uncountable tears, those frustrations, those irritations, those painful silent screams in nights, those sleepless nights, those silent sobbed and those scary nightmares..., This silent darkness of the night hides it all in itself very effortlessly and gives us a ray of hope for a bright and blissful morning.

I opened my blood-red and wet eyes slowly. my sight first fell on a little Rose's plant that was here, in the balcony. I planted it with alots of love and adores it almost everyday because this plant of Roses teaches me one very important thing about this life and that was.., this life was also like a plant of Roses.

because we only wants the ' Roses ' in life, means like roses- the softness, the beauty, the perfection, the peace, the contentment, the happiness and the love.

But somehow we failed to notice how difficult it was for the 'rose' to blossom blissfully at the top from amidst the 'spines' , which means amidst the- struggles, sacrifices, heart-breaks, sufferings, pains, imperfections, wounds and finally sorrows..., we forget or it would be better if I say this.... we ignored it completely because we only wanted the 'roses' in our lives, not the Rose's 'spines'.

My gaze shifted from the Rose plant to the moon; shining brightly under the sheet of silent darkness.

It was the day of ' FULL MOON NIGHT ' or should I said ' Purnima ki raat ', a low and bitterly chuckled escaped from my lips as i reminded it, because this night was only working as a fuel in the fire for my broken heart and for my almost broken and dead soul.

This was not the first night when i was crying like this in pain and guilt, cause now i even forget the counting as how many nights had been passed through like this..... sleepless, crying uncontrollably, covering my mouth with my trembling hands so that my parents would not heard my sobbed and hiccups, that strange but wrost pain that i felt in my chest, swallowed and blood- red eyes of mine, wet pillows, the pain i felt in my dried throat because of suppressing my hiccups and cries.