The Regretevator writing dump / oneshots (regretefic)

breaking the news

"??? W-WHAT?? THE NEWS?" unpleasant managed to yell out as the realization and gravity of this dire situation hit him like a speeding wall of bricks as the person on the other end of the line ranted on, explaining "WELL, YEAH. IT SAYS HERE YOU RAN OVER 35 FUCKING PEOPLE!!! THEY ONLY HAD A BLURRED SCREENSHIT BUT I CAN RECOGNIZE THOSE COLORS ANYWHERE!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU???"

this was the moment unpleasant realized this couldn't be Jeremy. she'd would probably find this amusing, funny even, laughing her ass off on hoe 'mental' he'd be. so he curiously brought the phone closer to him, squinting his eyes, before gasping and almost fainted again as he read the callers ID name.

'landlord'

the fucking landlord of the apartment was calling him. and oh boy was he a menace whenever he'd call unpleasant for the most inconspicuous of things. whether that'd be his son making too much noise raging over a call of duty match he'd lost or missing textures appearing in his office, and him blaming unpleasant and infected for that fact instead of realizing that they do not want this, really. and that it was out of their control no matter what they did to ensure enclosure.

oh and don't get unpleasant started on the multiple eviction threats, and while they were all empty, bark no bite, this time it was REALLLYY about to happen, the landlord might be a hothead and a pain in the ass, but if there was anything unpleasant knew; no landlord would want a literal labeled criminal who'd appeared on the news to be stepping onto their property, much less so living there.

"WELL???"

"U-UM....I got...high?"

"WHAT???"

"I MEAN DRUNK! I don't do drugs I swear-"

"W-...YOU'RE UNBELIEVABLE! I SWEAR GRADIE IF YOU DON'T EXPLAIN YOURSELF SO HELP ME GOD I WI-"

and just like that, he ended the call midway. Realizing how FUCKED he was, and how his son would not have a place to live anymore. So he quickly texted infected letting him know if the landlord comes or tries to evict them to just try and distract them. before setting his phone away, unable to even bring himself to call Jeremy again for fear of everything that has happened in the past catching up to him.

and thus, he simply laid there. in the cold, dirty rain, feeling so much intense emotions mixed with some traces of the alcohol still being in his system  it basically forced him to sit up and throw up there on the pavement, throwing up whatever alcohol was left including some dry blood. before taking a moment to recover and then break out into heavy and messy sobbing right there.

...

Jeremy laughed in amusement as the kid in the cage cried for the others to save him, all in the sparkly princess dress that mozelle had crafted for fun and as a gift for Jeremy. and he'd loved it so much she decided to replace it from the previous, crusty dress.

"LET ME GO!!"

Jeremy mockingly laughed before cocking an eyebrow "and if I don't?"

"I uhm-....pretty please?"

Jeremy pretended to scratch her chin "hmmmmm....sure!"

the boy perked up

"NOT!"

he immediately frowned and started to annoyingly wail again, but it was like music to Jeremy's ears as he maniacally cackled and mocked the kid in pure sadistic joy. But it was all cut short as jeremy spun around and almost got startled by william's appeareace

"AHAHAHH-AAAAAH! WILLIAM!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE" Jeremy seethed before william rolled his eyes "relax princess, I just came here to deliver for you some news."

"UGH I don't WANT to hear about it- it's probably a waste of time!"

"it's about gradie?"

"what about him?? TELL ME!" 

william smirked in amusement at jeremys frantic switchup when mentioning her so called 'husband' and how her voice cracked slightly from his usual maniacal persona.

"well he got onto the news last-"

"THE NEWS!??"

"Yep, he ran over like- 35 people-"

Jeremy scoffed "no way-"

william soon pulled out his phone to show him, the clip talked about the incident before showing the blurred screenshot, with the lady explaining that they hadn't exactly found the culprit yet but are actively planning to (which is probably a lie since the police here don't give jackshit about anything really)

despite the photo being unrecognizable, Jeremy could recognize unpleasant and started to laugh in amusement and shock "OH MY GOD! GRADIE YOU ARE MENTAL!!" she cackled as the confused players stared up at her, attempting to save their friend from the hanging cage, before Jeremy just accidentally crushed them thanks to her hysteria in tears, which william was quick to insult her for "god it isn't even that funny! and you laugh like a monkey!"
Jeremy immediately stopped and glared at him "oh PLEASE, as if you don't laugh like a rusted TEA KETTLE!"

"hey! can't be worse than sleeping like a baby after all the atrocities you've committed!"

"At least I don't sleep like I've been SHOT!"

"HEY! AT LEAST I DON'T WAKE UP LOOKING LIKE A HURRICANE SURVIVOR! oh wait.......YOU ALWAYS LOOK LIKE A HURRICANE SURVIVOR YOU AND THAT STUPID JESTER OUTFIT!"

"excuse me? DON'T INSULT MY FRIENDS WORK LIKE THAT!"

"you mean that french squeaking mouse?"

"SHE'S LATINO!"

"SAME THING!"

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT AND YOU'RE A COLOURED GUY YOURSELF!?"

"WHAT CAN I SAY I JUST SIMPLY DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK!! EVERYONE IS THE SAME TO ME!!"

"YOU NEVER GIVE A FUCK!NOT EVEN FOR YOUR GODDAMN CHILD!!"

"AND I NEVER WILL!! SO HAH!" and with that william flipped her off before simply turning away and phasing out the wall, leaving an irritated Jeremy, who just tried to compose herself before he crumbles this entire building to drywall. And then she remembered the situation with unpleasant and giggled a little before deciding to twirl away to 'kidnap' another player. Like the maniac he is.

but then again, he was worried. in the back of mind, echoing and layering over Jeremys laughter and the players plea's, a voice rang with worry about where could unpleasant could have gone or if he'd been captured.

no matter, he'd simply just call him or save him.

that is if unpleasant didn't ignore his call again....